Putting off the Inevitable

Do you ever wake up before the kids and think "Wow. If I got up now, I could actually get some things done" but choose not to because you refuse to accept that a new day is beginning. I am not a morning person, so that doesn't help mornings like these.

Most days, I wake up and I am so excited to see my little cutie pies. I wake up next to a snuggly little prince, and sometimes a little princess, and then the others come running into our room, jump into bed and do a little snuggling. And I love it.

But today, wasn't one of those days. I was in one of those moods where I just wanted to stay in bed, and put off the inevitable of having to get up, take care of four children, teach two of them, get ready to pack for a long ass drive to New England either tomorrow or Friday among countless other duties that I have going on. And remind myself that we do not live in Maine anymore.

I hate to sound like debbie downer, but I just am not digging this Virginia living. I miss Maine terribly. I miss anything and everything that goes along with it. Our family. Our friends. Our house. Our yard. Just about everything. Don't get me wrong, the fact that we are together as a family is the most important, and that is why we are here in Virginia. I hate thinking about "what if's" and I try my hardest not to, honest, I do, but lately, all I can think about is "would we be happier if we stayed in Maine".

When we were deciding whether to move or stay, a huge positive of staying was that it didn't have to be permanent. We could have tried it, and if it didn't work out, we could have moved to Virginia. But once we moved to Virginia, that was it. No moving back until Kevin's time was done here. We knew what living here was like, but I just didn't realize how miserable I would be. I try to look on the bright side on a daily basis and try to make living here sound like lots of fun to the girls, we are meeting people, doing new things, and staying very busy....but...I feel as though it isn't good enough.

Every day Mairead and Lilah still say how much they miss Maine and ask how many days until we move back. While we lived in Maine I used to have to drag the kids inside. Here, I practically have to bribe them to go outside. I've almost resorted to locking them out of the house so they'll stay outside! I've asked the girls why they don't like playing outside here like they used to in Virginia, and their responses are so valid "Our backyard is too tiny here" or "Our backyard is boring" or "We have no swingset" or "We have no room to run, ride our escalade, etc etc" all so very true, and one reason I hated this house. Our house is great, and if we could move the house elsewhere, it would be so much better, but I would take our little 1800sq foot three bedroom house in Maine any day over this.

I have to admit I feel lonely on most days, and I've told my two girlfriends who live nearby (and another that doesn't live too close) that if it wasn't for them, I would cry everyday. Other than them, I don't have any other true friends and we don't see those friends too often because they're busy. I've met lots of moms, but no real friendships as of yet, and I hope some come along really soon, because I am a social person. We are a social family. We were so lucky to have such amazing friends in Maine. When we moved to Maine I remember feeling like we were on such an awesome adventure. We were so excited and loved it. Even when we were renovating our house and stressing, living there was still great. But here, I feel so different. I feel like every day I just have to get through it because that is one day closer to moving.

So for now, I will try to be positive and be thankful to be spending a week up north to visit with family and friends while getting some New England fresh air into our bodies to rejuvenate us all.

We will survive.


PS: I want to add that I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I am grateful. We are lucky to live in a house, a big house, and lucky that Kevin has a job that supports our family and allows me to stay home with our children, allows us to live a good life together, but I'm just in a funk...just didn't want to sound like I am ungrateful, because I am so very grateful for everything I have.

Party time!

Getting ready for Clara's Birthday dinner

This past weekend we had two birthdays to celebrate! Clara's and Kevin's.

Kevin's parents drove up from Florida to spend the weekend with us, so it was a fun filled weekend with family, friends and a little bit of partying.

On Saturday morning, me and Clara made her birthday cake together as the big girls looked on. It's a special tradition that I've made with each of our kiddos. They pick their cake, the type of cake, and they help me make it. Of course, the other girls want to help bake, too, but, the birthday girl gets to do the vast majority of the baking with mamma. It's a lot of fun, and a tradition that I cherish with my children.

This year, Clara chose a butterfly cake, she also chose her colors, too. Clara had a blast making the cake, and I believe she probably ate just as much batter as she could possibly eat! The girls were out of control trying to eat every last drop of batter, but who can blame them!

Clara having a blast! 

Obviously enjoying herself! 

Me and Clara

Once our friends came, the fun began. The kids were off and playing, having a blast together, and the adults were having some fun of our own. I enjoyed my favorite drink...Cold River Blueberry Vodka - straight from Maine, with some sprite and a splash of cranberry. Yummmmmmm!

Clara so proud of her cake

When it came to sing 'Happy Birthday' the kids were ready for cake. We sang, and then at the end, Clara bursts out into tears! So cute...she can be shy! Poor kiddo. The big girls thought that was the best time to start diving into the cake. Her tears only lasted a few seconds and she bounced right back to her crazy self.

Yep! She's TWO :)

Our fam 

The girls taking advantage of crying Clara

Mimi & Callum

Kevin's parents and our crazy crew

While we missed our Maine family and friends so very much, we were so thankful to have had Kevin's parents and some of our close Virginia friends here to help celebrate such a special day for us. It was a lot of fun for everyone!

Our Birthday Girl

Today, our sweet Clara belly turned two. I know I say this over and over again, but I honestly cannot believe she is two. Some days, it feels as though Clara has been two forever, but most days, she is still my little baby - well, all the girls are, but she is my baby, baby girl. I always go back to her birth because hers was just so.....so, perfect. Having her warm body on my chest for two glorious hours was just unforgettably amazing.

For the last few days, we've been talking about her birthday. We tell her she is going to be two, and she almost always says:

"No, I three."

And then I say "No, you're going to be TWO"

And then she responds with:

"I five. No, Six!"

And the game goes on. But, if you tell her she is three, she almost always replies:

Our sweet Clara...

"No! I two!"

Clara is just blossoming. Her vocabulary is staggering. She says sentences that make me turn my head in amazement and say "HUH?" - wondering if she actually said that sentence. Todays crazy sentence was:

"Mommy! Why is there a potty over there?"

Whoa! What? Yep. That's what she said.

She is 100% potty trained, though wears a diaper at night. She still naps once per day. And still keeps up with her big sisters. She loves to be n aked! She loves to swim and has just recently started swimming without a bubble or anything! She is insane. Absolutely insane! She loves to play with her sisters and looks at them with big eyes. Her sisters are so good to her, and love her just as much as she loves them. She is even more love with her little brother. Every day, she holds him at least once. She sings to him, and has now talks to Callum in this high pitch voice - just like a baby. It is the cutest thing. Ever.

Not only is she capable of keeping up with her big sisters, she can also be shy, but once she is comfortable, watch out!

At night, we love to lay together, sing songs, and of course, nurse. I am not sure when she will stop, but as of right now, she has no signs of stopping. She very rarely nurses any other time than before bed, but on the rare occasion she asks, I oblige. After all, she won't be nursing forever, and she's still little in my eyes.

Today, we woke up, and we all sang happy birthday to her. She had a great big smile on her face. I dressed her in her special birthday dress we bought for her, and she looked absolutely beautiful. Tonight we went out for a special birthday dinner and came home to sing Happy Birthday to our favorite little Clara. My parents were on skype to join in on the fun. On Saturday, we will have a little party for her here, and Kevin's parents will be here, too, so, it will be a fun birthday weekend, especially since we'll be celebrating Kevin's birthday, too!

Tonight, I picked her up with her blanket and lovey (her favorite things to snuggle with) and rocked her in the rocking chair. I nursed her, just like I did two years ago as she laid on my chest. So bittersweet.

The girls singing Happy Birthday! 

"Now what do I do now?"

We love you our sweet Clara belle. This next year is going to be awesome with you!

Life is Busy.

Somedays I wonder...what was I thinking about homeschooling! It is busy!

But most days, I don't regret for a second about our decision to homeschool our children. The one thing I love most about it is that we're on our own schedule. We schedule things into our week that work for us. I love that our mornings are generally not hectic, and if they are, it is because we chose for it to be for a reason.

The last week was our first week of full blown activities and it was busy! Who said homeschool kids weren't socialized or stayed home all day? I'd have to say "homeschool" is a poor word for such a thing!

On your right, you'll see a bunch of videos. I just uploaded a few new ones to give you an idea of what are kids are doing now!

On Monday, we met some other homeschooling kids at the Reston Town Center. The kids ran around, listened to some live music and the adults socialized. It was a beautiful day! That afternoon was the big girls first swim lesson. It's great here because Clara can swim while the girls are in class! In the middle of the day we attempted to fit a little bit of schooling in...

On Tuesdays, we try to do school in the mornings because Mairead and Lilah have gymnastics from 12:30-2pm, and it's nap time by the time we get home! Depending on how much we (didn't) get accomplished that morning, Mairead and I will sit down together and learn.

On Wednesday, we didn't have anything planned, so we played outside, did a little school and ran a few errands. That afternoon, we did some school, and then the big girls had swim lessons again.

Thursday, the big girls went to the local recreational center and participated in a class about Turtles. It was a 90 minute class that the parents drop off, so me, Clara and Callum went shopping together. It was fun for everyone! The girls had an absolute blast!

Friday, Kevin took off, and brought the girls to a homeschooling field trip to a local police station, and then to a park with some other friends. That afternoon, Mairead had swim lessons (I placed her in the wrong lessons, so now, we're at the pool Monday, Wednesday for Lilah and Fridays for Mairead).

It makes me tired just thinking about it! We've got a lot going on! But we're having fun. Clara is learning to swim without a bubble - she's amazing! And Callum is a talking fool!

The one thing I've learned so far about homeschooling...

Is that it makes me a better mother. It forces me to spend time doing things with my children that I normally wouldn't do on a very regular basis. And I am able to finish my day feeling accomplished and good about myself. 


The other thing I've learned...

Is that my house suffers. No time for cleaning....bummer.

6

Moving to Virginia has been quite a transition. Life is just different here. It moves fast. People don't have time to stop and chat, so making friends has been a very slow, painful process. On Friday night we finally had dinner with a family we met at the pool soon after we moved here. They are also somewhat new to the area, and have noticed the same thing about Northern Virginia. It seems impersonal. I am just glad I am not the only one who feels this way! I was starting to think I looked strange or something.

For the last month, I've gotten back to exercising on a regular basis and starting to train for the Maine Marathon relay on October 2nd. I am working hard at feeling as amazing as I did last year at this time, and losing the weight I've gained from Callum.

Today, I set out to run six miles. I've run six miles one other time in my life, and that was well over a year ago. The weather has been much cooler here in Virginia. I put on pandora and set up my running app on my iPhone and set off for 6 miles. My route had me going through all sorts of neighborhoods and areas, and was looking forward to exploring new areas of our town that I had yet to run through yet.

After I ran about 2 miles, I noticed one thing. No body was outside on this beautiful Sunday afternoon, though cars were in the driveways. From that point on, I made an effort to to pay attention to who was doing what on this beautiful Sunday. After a while, not only did I not see adults outside, but I didn't see any children either. Big, Beautiful homes, with beautiful yards and ginormous swing sets, but no one playing on them. No children riding bikes or playing hoops. Where was everyone? After 6 miles ran, I did not see one.single.child. Not one. It makes me sad because I rarely see children in our neighborhood playing on a daily basis. Our girls ask "where are the kids, mamma?"

We knew when we moved here that our backyard would be significantly smaller than it was in Maine. A lot smaller. When we lived in Maine, our kids were outside all day, everyday. I couldn't keep them inside. They would play on their swingset, bounce in their bounce house, ride bikes, play with toys, you name it, they enjoyed it. Here in Virginia, it has been completely different. Our girls don't beg to go outside. They beg to come inside. I find myself throwing the kids outside to play, harping them to get out of the house. Our backyard here is fenced in, and it's nice to know they can't escape, but on the other hand, I hate that they are unable to drive their escalade around the backyard because it is too small. There is barely enough room for running and exploring. Mairead says "it's boring" or "it's too small". The kids prefer to play in the driveway, riding their bikes, but you see, our driveway is a small hill, and our street is on a hill, so I have to be outside at all times watching them, making sure no one is going out into the street, or getting hurt.

We aren't the only ones with a small yard in Virginia, and we actually have a "bigger" backyard than most here. But where are the kids? Where are the people? Are they inside? Their cars are there, but no one is around. Six miles and not one child playing. It makes me sad. I am an outside person. I loved the fact that in Maine our children craved the outdoors. But not here. I hope it changes.

Mooty

At just shy of two, I declare Clara officially not a baby anymore and 100% toddler. She has the vocabulary explosion, temper, attitude, indecisiveness and sweetness (the list could go on and on, really) to show for it, too.

The one little baby thing she has left is that she is still nursing. Usually it is just once a day, though sometimes two, but almost always at bedtime.

The last few nights she will ask for "Mooty" and point to the breast she wants to start. Keep in mind that Callum always nurses on my right side when he goes to bed, so that side is generally a big disappointment for her, and always switches to the left side (which Callum will nurse on before we go to bed).

Tonight, she says "Maaam, I want that mooty" as she points to my right breast. She nurses for a few seconds. Comes off and says "Maam, I want that mooty" as she points to my left breast. She nurses for more than a few seconds, comes off and says "Maam I want the other mooty" and as you may have guessed, nursed on the right side. Not joking, she does this about 5 or 6 times before she finally settles on my left breast.

Once she is done nursing, we lay belly to belly, and I sing a few songs to her. She will wrap her right arm tightly around me and just hold me as if I am her great big lovey. You can't even imagine just how tight this little girl holds you, but it just feels so good. It makes me feel so loved and special. Sometimes I will try to get up, she'll say "nooo, mamma" and pull me even tighter. Such a great way to end the day...

A Weekend of Happenin's

Ahhhh....long weekends how I love thee!

Labor day weekend brings a lot of mixed emotions. Kind of sad because it's the unofficial end to summer (my favorite season), the start of school and the gateway to fall, but happy because it brings a lot of wonderful memories of our wedding anniversary weekend back in 2005.


This weekend was filled with memory making, fun with friends and relaxing moments.

On Saturday, we enjoyed an afternoon with friends. Kevin fired up the grill and did a pork butt, I made some homemade Mac N' Cheese and tried out yet another new recipe from Pinterest called Cinnamon Roll Cake. Kevin's friend, Brian, was here from Florida and it was great catching up with him! All the kids had a blast playing together, eating lots of food and wearing each other out!

Sunday, Kevin and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary! It's hard to believe we have been married for six years. We've accomplished a lot in those six years, too! Two moves. Four children and countless other memories - both good and not so good! I am so grateful to have married such a wonderful man, and an amazing father to our beautiful children. The last 6 years have truly been the most awesome years of my life!

For the day, we spent the day as a family, took a family nap together and just enjoyed being together. In the morning, we did a little shopping and the girls talked Kevin into buying them a new fish! They were so excited!!! While Kevin napped, I wrote in our journal. You see, a friend of mine, gave me a great idea for our first anniversary to keep a journal where we write a note to each other at each anniversary to reflect on the past year and life. It's been a wonderful thing that I truly look forward to doing each and every year. I also love reading back to our first entries and see how much Kevin and I have grown as a couple AND as a family!

That evening, we had a babysitter and went out on a date to celebrate. We had reservations at The Melting Pot nearby and enjoyed a quiet, romantic dinner together. We shared our journal entries to each other and enjoyed uninterrupted conversation. It was a really nice dinner!

Today, was more of the same...family time. Since we are expecting some intense rain over the next several days, we spent the morning grocery shopping and playing outside. Kevin and I were able to get a chance to go out for a run. While the littles napped, me, Kevin helped the big girls paint their birdhouses. It was a lot of fun and the girls did a great job! The girls learned a little about colors and what happens when you mix certain colors. Mairead was fascinated that yellow and blue make green! After that, the girls wanted to do some "schoolwork" so we did a little bit! Too cute, I wonder how long they will keep asking :)

The big girls show off "Rainbow" the new fish

Clara fascinated by Rainbow

Mairead painting her birdhouse

Lilah painting her birdhouse

Two beautiful birdhouses

Overall, it was a really nice, relaxing weekend together. I love weekends like these...

Oh, and Happy Anniversary, Kevin! I love you so much...

Rockin' NoVA

Yep! Just like I had imagined, the Ferrie girls would rock the NoVA community.

If you don't know me, you may not know how "lax" I am about letting my n aked children run amuck. Now, don't worry, you won't be seeing our children n aked in a store (well not on purpose anyways), but just like the night in Portland when Clara had an accident and this mindless mamma forgot clothes for her, she trekked down the streets of downtown Portland in a shirt and squeaking shoes, bare ass and all. Tonight wasn't any different! Except, we aren't in Kansas anymore...

Tonight, Mairead had her very first soccer practice here in Virginia. I wanted to watch, so we dragged the entire family along - ugh, nothing like a 630-730pm soccer practice. I knew things would end on an interesting note because Callum was ready for bed, Clara was tired, and she was on the edge of throwing temper tantrums - actually she did throw one or two. About 10 minutes before the end of practice, Clara told me she had to pee. Mind you, we were a few hundred yards away from our car, and I thought she wouldn't make it even if I tried to make the trek back, so I said......we'll wait a minute, okay???. She then walked about 10 steps away from me, and peed. The pee got on her shoes. And a little on her dress. And if you know Clara, she doesn't like wet clothes, especially wet with pee, so..........you know what that means, right???

Yep! You guessed it! Off with the clothes and onto the soccer field to join in on soccer practice!

A few people gave me glaring dirty looks like they couldn't believe I would ever let my child run n aked in public, but thankfully there were a few lighthearted people who actually thought it was cute!

(Oh, and you can see Lilah all decked out in her ballerina dress up dress on the soccer field, too)