Goosebumps

Today, I had my 6 week post-partum check up (at 8 weeks if you're counting) with my OB. It was just me and Callum while Mairead was at a birthday party and the two "middles" were with daddy at home. I was looking forward to seeing the doc to say thank you and for her to meet Callum.

The last 4 weeks have been so wonderful with Callum. He has been progressing beautifully and I finally can look at him without reliving the worst 11 days of our life and being sad about his first week "being taken away" from us. He is smiling. He is wonderful. He is healthy. And like the nurse today said "he was supposed to be here" - and she is right. 

Very frequently we drive past the hospital where Callum was born and I think about his birth, but I don't really think about it in detail. But today was a different story. I pulled into the entrance of the hospital and all I could think about was what happened to Callum, how different his story was from Claras, who was also born at the same exact hospital, in the same exact room. Clara's birth story was perfect, and everything Kevin and I could have ever hoped for, but Callum's was quite the opposite. As I just stared at the building my heart began to race a bit, I got goosebumps and I just couldn't stop thinking about Callum, watching him leave in the transport isolette on the way to the NICU, or when I was transferred to the same hospital, alone, without my sweet, baby boy. The feelings that were inside of me that day are indescribable. I was in complete disbelief that day. While it was so sunny that day,  it was so very cloudy and dark to me. 

While I know that day will become further and further away from us, I know my memories will always remain of that time. I look at our beautiful Callum and see how lucky we are to have him here with us, doing so well. Our sweet Callum is so strong, and I have learned so much from our little boy. Todays appointment brought some closure to our experience with Callum. I just wish those precious days weren't lost with him.