Staycations

One of the best parts about living in Maine is the fact that I feel as though I am on vacation a lot of the time. There is just so many cool things to do, and each year, I feel as though we get to do more and more as our kids get older. Maine is a massive state, and one can go from ocean to lakes to mountains in a matter of just a short drive. It's just beautiful. Coastal Maine is so very different than inland, rural Maine. It really is mind boggling that we all live in the same state!

Dirty camping feet

Mairead enjoying the Sunset on Lake Mooselookmeguntic

Lake Mooselookmeguntic, Rangeley - try saying that one 10 times fast! 

Last Thursday, Kevin flew home and would be home for 10 glorious days! We survived our first month of our crazy plan, and hope the 2nd month goes as smooth as the first one. That weekend, we drove up to Lake Sebago with some other friends and spent the day at the lake! Once nap time came, Kevin left with Clara and Callum, and I stayed with the other moms and camped out! This is the first time that I have ever left my kids for something "fun". The big girls had never gone camping before, so they were super excited! I didn't know what it would be like not having Callum or Clara around for 18 hours, but, I will admit, life was pretty easy with just two kids! Our campsite was beautiful, and surrounded by water on three sides! The frogs kept us up at night, but that's okay, it was just for one night!

Daddy & Callum enjoying Lake Sebago

Mmmm! Sand

Mairead and one of her besties! 

Silly little Lilah Loo!

The next morning, Kevin came to pick us up (his car is in Virginia) and Callum was so excited to see his mamma. For the remainder of the day, his hand was down my shirt begging to nurse. No, seriously. I think he thought because I left him for 18 hours that he could just nurse for 18 hours. Straight. :)

My sweet little Patriots! 

The next few days of our staycation were filled with dinners with friends, beach time, and just relaxing together! Included in our staycation was the 4th of July. I even made the girls their dresses! I forgot I had bought the fabric, so I was making them the night before the 4th! We celebrated with my parents and some friends, but unfortunately, there were pretty bad thunderstorms and Portland had to cancel their fireworks. I was just as disappointed as the kiddos were because it is one of my favorite Maine summertime events! It's just gorgeous overlooking Casco Bay.....Oh well!

The day after the 4th, we headed up to Rangeley, Maine where my brother and his family were staying in a lakehouse. They invited us up, so we drove up for a few days and spent some time with them! The house was so cute, and lake Mooselookmeguntic was just gorgeous! The kids and their cousins had a lot of fun together. On Friday we rented a Pontoon boat and spent the day cruising, fishing, swimming, and drinking beer. The adults - not the kids!

Lilah (and the other girls) had so much fun doting on their little cousin, Olivia! 

Phoebe & Emmie spent the entire first day in the water! Poor Phoebe suffers from chronic ear infections, so I thought
up of a way to dry out her ears :) - she didn't seem to mind too much! 

Everyone had a blast exploring on the lake. Callum enjoyed picking up rocks, Clara enjoyed the water,
Emmie enjoyed the water and fetching balls, and of course, Daddy enjoyed some beer :)

Clara was all ready for a day out on the boat! 

Lilah wasn't too excited :)

and either was Mairead! :)

Me and Clara enjoying the morning!

Daddy and Lilah 

My brother - Uncle Joe - in the water with the girls! They were having fun jumping off the boat!

Captain Steph!

The crew!

Daddy & Callum! Callum enjoyed the boat. He is all about the cheesy smile right now and I cannot
get enough of it! Ugh! LOVE HIM!

Me and Kevin enjoying our time together!

Lake Mooselookmeguntic from above

Overall, the last week has been absolutely crazy with fun and games! I am tired, but I am just loving it! I am looking forward to many more fun days at the beach! We have some fun things planned for the rest of the summer before we kick off our first official "school year"

Tired

I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing all about Time magazines "Mom Enough" article. I mean, who cares. And why does the press feel the need to promote all sorts of hoopla between moms over breastfeeding? I don't get it. Let people do what they want. If someone wants to nurse their child until they're 10, let them, and if someone chooses not to breastfeed their child at all, well, that's their decision, too.

There shouldn't be any competitiveness between moms over how long you nursed or if you didn't, or how involved in attachment parenting you are. WHO CARES. Or if you co-sleep, or cloth diaper, or baby wear, or if you do all of those things or none of those things. What is important is that the child is loved and cared for, being raised to be a good citizen in society.

Do I think those who do not nurse are missing out on a special bond between mother and baby. Yes. But do I think those moms are bad moms? No. Or do I think I am a better mom than she just because I nursed my babies or nursed them longer? Hell no. It's not my business to tell a mother she's a bad mom because she didn't nurse at all or nurse as long as I did, or that because I don't nurse my baby or toddler on a stool, or until he's 4 that I am not mom enough. Nursing our babies for 2+ years is a personal choice that a mother makes based soley on her child.

And why must breastfeeding be portrayed as this weird thing that some moms do with their babies? or talking endlessly about how military moms breastfeed with their uniform on. Why is this such a big deal? Why, why, WHY??? Instead, people should be portraying the amazing experience for the mom and baby and/or toddler...or the amazing health benefits...and even the great experiences moms have who are nursing an older infant or child.

I think about Clara, who is 2.5 and still nurses before bed on most nights. Just the way she asks for it melts my heart. I couldn't imagine missing out on this experience because nursing our girls into toddlerhood has given me some amazing memories. I think nursing a toddler is almost better than nursing an infant. It's almost like true love. They just love to nurse. And watching the excitement on their face is just awesome. There are no distractions for the toddler like during infant-hood, and there is no stress on whether or not your baby is getting enough or gaining weight. It's almost  pure enjoyment. But that's me. Extended nursing is not for everyone. And just because you choose not to nurse past one doesn't mean you've missed out on any worthwhile experiences because that is just not it.

So forgive me. I just do not understand where society gets off calling nursing gross or weird. Mothers all over the world outside of the United States nurse well into toddlerhood. And some could argue that they nurse because of limited food sources, etc, and while that may play a part, I still think those mammas would say such a statement is lacking in the understanding of the all around experience. Of course, there are nutritional benefits, but that is just a very small part of the decision to continue nursing past one.

It's not gross people. But I honestly do not think plastering a photograph of a kid in a weird, unnatural position on the cover of a magazine is a way to gain more acceptance of breastfeeding in society. I understand what the magazine was trying to do, I do, but I also think it was done in poor taste that only sparked controversy and made extended nursing and attachment parenting seem even more weird. 


So yes. I am Mom Enough but I am not Mom Enough because I choose to nurse our children past one. I am Mom Enough for so many more reasons. Attachment parent or not. We are all mom enough in our own way. Articles like these only further the gap between moms. Let's stop talking about being Mom Enough and start being Supportive enough to make each mom feel like a success rather than a failure.

My sleep is more important than yours...

Do you ever have this discussion with your husband? And more importantly, do you ever have this discussion with your husband in the middle of the night?! (and have you ever argued about it in the middle of the night???)

The baby is crying. Okay, screaming. It's 2am and you don't want to get out of bed. You lay there quietly pretending to sleep while hoping that your husband will get tired of hearing the baby and jump out of bed to rock the baby back to sleep. You just want a few more hours of your bed to yourself.

Sound familiar?

Except. It just doesn't happen once in a great while. It happens almost every night. And after 13 months of getting up in the middle of the night, you've hit a wall, you realized you need more sleep. And not just one night of decent sleep, but a more consistent sleep pattern? (I am not talking 12 hours straight, but more like 6? 8?)

Then your husband realizes after a few nights that getting up in the middle of the night is the mammas job. And then you both wait silently in bed waiting for the other to get up. I know Kevin is just laying there praying I am the one who jumps out of bed, grabs the baby and brings him back to our bed to nurse him so he can go back to sleep. But, What. About. Me? What about my sleep? Yeah, sometimes I fall back to sleep with Callum nursing with an open bar of milk, indulging himself for an hour, sometimes more, but I can't always fall back to sleep.

Please tell me I am not the only one??? Hello? Anyone... 

Don't get me wrong, I love my snuggle time with my babies, but I also love my sleep. And I need more. 

Do you ever get into a "heated" 2am conversation about how your sleep is more important than his, and he says his sleep is more important than yours. Yeah. He has to work. (but don't I, too?). I give our babies a year of my patience with multiple nighttime wakings, and I am realistic about my expectations, but Callum, you slept 8-10 hours as a very small infant can you please, please, please sleep more than you have been sleeping??? All I need is help for a short period to get him sleeping longer stretches!

I am not quite sure what it is. Teeth? (my guess since he only has two teeth) Growth spurt? the sheer fact that he is still in our room (albeit in his separate space, but he can still see us) or the fact that he just wants to suck on B@@by. You see, all the girls had a  roller coaster first year of sleep. Sleeping through the night by 6-8 weeks followed by crap sleep starting at 4 months through about 10-12 months, but then sleeping 10 hours by one. Well, not this cat. His sleeping is just not cool. And since we do not do "cry it out" it takes a little bit more of an effort on my part, but in the end, all the girls end up being great sleepers!

But of course, last night he proved to me that he can sleep until 4am (8 hours)!

Those who inspire Mothers.

Instead of talking about my mothers day, I've decided to take a different spin...

I very rarely ever talk about my past life as a nurse. I guess it is because it feels like it was so very long ago and it just isn't part of my life now. The truth is, it will always be a part of who I am, and that part of me is tucked way deep down in a special spot in my heart. Some days, I miss my job. And not the job as going to work everyday to escape my kids and the politics that go along with it, but what I did. I love helping others. I loved ending my day with a sense of goodness in my heart. And helping mammas birth their babies was an amazing thing I was able to do, and someday, I will go back to that, or at least in some aspect of helping new mammas.

Very recently, I lost a good friend after a very courageous battle with Leukemia. She had beat the leukemia, but months after a bone marrow transplant, she developed pneumonia that was just too strong for her weakened immune system to handle. This friend is an amazing woman and I had the honor of working with her in my past life. She was an amazing nurse and lactation consultant, and a mother and grandmother herself. And I can only imagine how many mothers she has helped in her lifetime, including myself. And someday, I hope I will be able to follow in her footsteps.

You see, when I worked with her as a nurse, I had no children. I wasn't even married. I was a single, white female working for a living and loving what I did. Jolenne taught me so much about new motherhood and breastfeeding. I always knew when I had children I would breastfeed, but that's all I knew. I pretty much thought anyone who nursed longer than a year was....weird. God, I don't even think I knew what tandem nursing was and if I did, I probably would have said it was gross. Ok, back to my friend...She was so passionate about what she did and it showed each and everyday in her job and her life. She was an advocate for new moms and she helped those who struggled to nurse their little ones. Her love and passion shined each and every day, and she instilled her knowledge into each and every one of us. And she won my love of nursing and helping mothers to succeed at a very early part in my nursing career.

I remember having what I called "breastfeeding nightmares" as a nurse and I remember I could always count on her to help me, help a mamma who was struggling to nurse her baby. And when I had my very own baby, I put everything I learned from her into use, and even that wasn't good enough, but this amazing women would help me whenever I needed help. Mairead hated to nurse in the beginning. She would scream at the breast. Refuse to latch. It was awful. But, she kept me sane. She kept me going and reminding me that nursing is a work in progress. And I nursed Mairead until she was well past two years old. And then there was Callum. A critically ill newborn who was on a ventilator and unable to nurse. Completely outside of my realm. What do I do exactly? Call Jolenne. She helped me survive pumping breastmilk while my baby was in the NICU. She answered all my questions. And when things sounded "shady", she set me straight, kept me focused and helped me and Callum establish a very strong nursing relationship that continues today, all without setting her hands on me. That's how she was.

And in between children, she was always very happy to help any of my friends with their questions regarding breastfeeding whenever I was unable to answer questions. She never even knew these women, yet, she took time out of her day to help these women succeed with breastfeeding. She was that passionate.

I have to say when I grow up, I want to be just like her. I want to educate women on childbirth and someday I would love to be a lactation consultant. This isn't new news, and if you know me, you will know just how much I enjoy helping new (and seasoned) mammas how to nurse, or anything having to do with childbirth and breastfeeding children. I love talking about pregnancy and childbirth and beyond, and I hope someday, I can follow in Jolenne's path and make an impact on the lives of other mothers all over.

Happy Mothers Day to all the amazing mammas out there who strive everyday to be the best mamma they can be. This Mother's Day post is dedicated to Jolenne, who will be missed by many...

A 2nd Birthday

Because the day Callum was born wasn't that happy of a day, I have a hard time celebrating that day. I mean, his birth day was one of the best days of our lives, but it was also one of the worst days of our lives. April 8th, his birthday, was filled with joy and happiness for less than two hours, before he was taken to the nursery and we watched him go down hill with each minute. I stayed by his bedside until I had to give him up to the neonatal transport team - one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I felt as though a piece of me was taken away. I shouldn't have had to give my newly born son to a team of medical professionals to be taken away to a different hospital, I should have been nursing him and snuggling him in our bed together, touching him, caressing  him, sleeping next to him and sharing the joy of him with his daddy and his big sisters. But, I wasn't. I have a hard time looking upon that day and thinking good thoughts. And for the next 7 days, our life was a roller coaster ride. Experiencing things that no parent should ever have to experience with a newborn.

However, on Thursday, April 14th, was one of the best days since Callum had been born. He was extubated, or taken off of the ventilator. I heard his cry. I was able to kiss him. I was able to hold him. I was able to nurse him. Daddy was able to hold him and kiss him. I would have to say that this day was probably better than the day he was born. The hardest part of that day was leaving him that night, but the easiest part of leaving him was knowing that I would be returning in the morning to spend the entire day with our baby boy, and not just watching him from afar in his little house attached to machines like I had been doing for days beforehand, but spending the day holding him, nursing him and actually caring for him like a real baby.

I remember waking up the next morning and feeling as though it was like Christmas morning. I couldn't wait to get to the hospital to play catch up with Callum. All I did was hold him. Nurse him. Dress him in the clothes that I had planned to dress him in after his birth and I got to bathe him, too. For me, this was almost like the day he was born. His 2nd birthday. And while he wasn't like other newborns, he was the closest to a newborn than he had ever been, and from that point forward, he continued to thrive, I continued to hold, and nurse our baby until he came home just a few days later. From this day forward, it was all good...

So, happy 2nd birthday to our baby boy...

One year ago...

For the last week, I have been dreading Sunday. Dreading it because I knew it was going to rehash all sorts of memories from Callum's birth and days after. They are still so fresh, just mildly under the surface, it doesn't take much to bring them out in full force. But, all I have to do is look at our amazing little boy and I am instantly reminded that those days are just bad memories, a big bump in the road, and that we have been blessed thus far with a healthy, normally developing little Callum. And for that, I am so very thankful.

The last few days have been filled with comments such as "at this time last year, we were at the hospital" or "at this time last year, things were really, really bad" - you can read about that bad night here. But, the last few days have been spent celebrating not just the birthday of our Callum John, but more about the last year - his life. The specialness of him. The strength of him. The health of him.

And when I saw weeks ago that his special day would fall amazingly on Easter Sunday, I knew it was a sign of just how special Callum is to our family. It was like he was deserving of the celebration that he never really had. The true celebration of his birth on his birth was just....well, not really a celebration. There weren't many phone calls saying he was here and how healthy and awesome and amazing he was, but phone calls saying he was sick, in the nursery and how sick he was.....and that I really didn't want to talk to anyone because I was just in denial with how sick our baby was. I didn't want to believe that it was really happening to us - because, you know, it wasn't supposed to be happening to us. 

His homemade birthday cake. I love pinterest! 

I ordered his birthday outfit from a wonderful lady on Etsy. And thanks to pinterest
I made his birthday hat after not finding an appropriate one for him! 

I almost felt like this year was a redo, yeah, it sounds cheesy, but I wanted to give him the celebration he never really had, not like the girls anyway. I wanted to hold him and not let him go. Let him snuggle with me all night in bed, just like the girls did on the night of their birth, except he would do it on the one year anniversary of his birth. After all, they are only little once, and I truly want to try to savior every last moments with our baby.

His birthday was filled with so much excitement. His big sister Lilah came running into the room saying "It's Callum's birthday!" - instead of saying "It's Easter" - she thought of her brother. His sisters were so excited that he was having a birthday on Easter. We were able to celebrate his special day with Kevin's parents, and our special friends here in Virginia. Everyone knows the story of Callum, and everyone could share in the specialness of the celebration. With each step that Callum takes, is a step of growth proving that he is strong. He isn't afraid to voice his opinion when he likes or dislikes something. He easily shakes his head no and joyfully shakes his whole body yes when he wants something now. He is beginning to want everything his big sisters have. He has three mothers, still...some things have not changed. They all pick him up, carry him around the house, and I really think he likes it - hence him not really walking 100% yet...why bother?

He loves food. And he loves to nurse. He grabs at my OO all day long...ripping at them when he is demanding to nurse. His sleep at night is not great, but, he's little still, and I think once he starts walking, it will improve. He now has two cute little front teeth. And he loves to swim with his daddy. He loves showering with mommy and taking baths with his sisters. He is still an easygoing little boy who brings so much light and love to our family. He has so many people who love him, and he knows it.

I made a red velvet cake. Not the best type of cake for a first birthday
but it was fun nonetheless! 

I am pretty sure he liked it! 

Kevin's parents enjoying Callum!

Words cannot express how lucky we are to have him. He is a special little boy and I wonder what the next year will bring for Callum. I won't lie and say that I am not worried any more about his development. The next year we will be looking for fine motor development, speech and other big milestones...but, if he continues on the path he is on now, he will continue to progress perfectly.


We had such an amazing day with our family celebrating! It was a great day!

Happy Birthday, Callum John! We love you Cal Boy!