A very rough start...

I don't know where to start. The last few days have been full of tears, worries and heartache for our sweet little Callum.

About 2 hours after birth, Callum started showing some signs of respiratory distress and our nurse brought him to their little special care nursery to be assessed. Of course, the nerves set in. I started to second guess myself about how early he really was (thankfully we know now that this isn't the case). As the evening went on, he became sicker and sicker. His respiratory rates were 80-140 breaths per minute (normal is like 40-60!), his oxygen saturations were becoming lower and lower, his need for supplemental oxygen kept growing and growing and he started vomiting up gobs and gobs of amniotic fluid - a sure sign his extremely rapid delivery had a negative effect on his respiratory status.

From about 7pm on, I never left his side. Every time I would start to feel comfortable leaving him to grab some sleep, he started to decline. I stayed with him, held his hand, rubbed his head and let him know I was there for him. He loves to suck, so he stayed calm sucking on my finger. As much as it hurt to not be able to hold my sick little baby boy, at least I was able to help care for him and keep his agitation to a minimum.

Come around 530am (Saturday morning), the nurses had to call in the pediatrician because his status was just declining rapidly. Once the pediatrician came in the decision was made to transfer Callum to Maine Medical Center where they have a great NICU. They were able to transfer my OB care there as well. After staying strong all night (and no sleep), I cried. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

Once we got to Maine Medical Center, the NICU team assessed Callum. Since his oxygen requirements were becoming higher and higher, they placed him on CPAP  and monitored him closely. They did all sorts of tests on him and the original plan was to let him rest since he was agitated and worked hard on breathing all night long. They did a chest xray which showed a possible 'pneumonia' (not the type you see in adults but fluid or substance in lungs - in our case amniotic fluid). When he got here, he was on 100% oxygen (not good), so they attempted weaning the oxygen to get him down to 50% but he just could not tolerate it at all. After a few hours of trying to stabilize Callum, the NICU doc started talking about intubating him. He showed us his chest XRAYs which were full of white haze, and not black (or air). Before we knew it, Callum was intubated (it took two attempts as Callum had to be difficult and fight the breathing tube), had an umbilical line, was on blood pressure support and was not doing well.

Kevin and I couldn't stop crying yesterday. All I could think of is what did I do to my beautiful baby boy. I couldn't look at my non-pregnant belly, only to think that he should still be inside of me. Protected. Protected by me. I wanted to hold him. Nurse him. Protect him. Hear his piercing newborn cry. Keep me up at night. aAnd all I could do was watch everyone work hard on our sweetheart. We would talk to the doctor and he would say 'this could happen, but I doubt it' - and then...it would happen. Finally by dinnertime, Callum was somewhat stable on a ventilator. It was so difficult to see our little boy on a ventilator. Since they try not to use a lot of sedation here, poor little Callum was so agitated. You could see him trying to cry around the ventilator - every time I looked at him, I cried. It was so sad.

We arrived back to see Callum around 730pm and the doctor started talking to us about PPHN (persistent pulmonary hypertension of the newborn) - most likely caused by his insanely rapid birth and aspiration of amniotic fluid and the lungs inability to function properly because of this. Something else to add to our list of complications with Callum, it was never ending and heart-wrenching. The NICU doctor assured me and Kevin that this has nothing to do with his gestational age (36w4d) and that Pulmonary Hypertension is a "big baby disease" - full term babies get this, not preterm infants. Knowing this could happen at 38w or 40w or 41w made me feel a little better. Soon after our discussion, the alarms started going off, his oxygen saturations were dropping. And dropping. The nurses and respiratory therapists were in his room trying to suction and stabilize him. They had to increase his oxygen levels to 100% support. It was touch and go for a while, we watched in shock as our sweet baby boy was slipping...

I heard talk about using an oscillating ventilator and nitric oxide, and before we knew it, all sorts of people and equipment were in our room. Callum was placed on the oscillator (which sounds like a car motor as it puts frequent bursts of oxygen into his lungs) with nitric oxide and within minutes his oxygen saturations were improving. I also spoke with the doctor about using more sedation with Callum as he just seemed increasingly agitated and trying to breath over the ventilator. Thankfully, we were both on the same page with this and he started Callum on some morphine and versed. A resting, peaceful Callum was what I wanted to see - not an agitated one (even though I like to see a fiesty little one). Once he was stabilized (1030pm) Kevin and I headed upstairs to sleep. I had been up for 42 hours straight. No joke. The nurse promised to call us if anything changed.

We were so exhausted. My eyes were swollen almost shut from crying. Kevin crawled into bed with me to just be together and before we knew it, it was 4am. You know you are exhausted when sleeping in a hospital bed together is comfortable and you don't wake up. I also realized it was 4am and we had received no call from the NICU. It was good news. Kevin called down to see how Callum was doing and we were told he had been doing well and stable. Just what we needed to hear so we could get some more sleep.

Around 8am (Today, Sunday) we headed back down to the NICU praying for a better day. A stable day. Even a boring day. When we walked into Callums room the nurse had a smile on her face. She said he's been doing well, tolerating the weaning of his oxygen settings (down to 80% from 100%) and acting much quieter - not so irritable. He looked better, too. He looked more relaxed.

As of right now, 530pm on Sunday, he has had a good, boring day. He has tolerated oxygen weaning down to 75% (they've had to stop here, but hoping to get him below 50% by tonight), his blood pressure has begun to increase, which means his pulmonary hypertension is being very well controlled or improving, so they've been able to decrease some of the medication used to increase his blood pressure (dopamine for you medical people). He is a little jaundice today, but that is to be expected because he is not eating, his face is severely bruised from having such a rapid descent at delivery (looks like a mac truck drove over the right side of his face), and he isn't pooping very much (from not eating). He has tolerated position changes, which is something he didn't handle well yesterday at all. I've been able to use the colostrum I pump and swab it into his mouth - the feeling of his little tongue tickling my finger as he tastes what I have for him puts a smile on my face...though only making me want to pick him up and nurse him. My parents and my brother and sister in law have been able to see him today as well.

I only pray that Callum continues to have "boring" days where we hear they are changing things for the BETTER...and we are making progress, even if it is small baby steps, it is progress. While Callum is still a very, very sick little boy, we are left with just a little bit of hope that he is a fighter and will be able to come home as soon as he can.

I will continue to use this blog to update everyone on Callum, so please, check back often. We cannot express how much we appreciate everyones offer of support, help and prayers.

Happy Birthday, Callum John!

After getting a somewhat restful night rest, we were woken up with the plan to have a baby!

At 0820am, my OB broke my water and we were on our way to having a baby! I started off about 5-6cm. It took a bit to jump start contractions just as it did with Clara's labor. My OB started just a little bit of pitocin about 3pm and I finally got into a great labor pattern. Once things got really moving things happened really, really fast. The scar tissue on my cervix was probably causing a bit of delay in dilation, but just as my OB suspected, once I got a few really got contractions things would go really fast.

And they did. Almost too fast...

I got really uncomfortable with a crap load of pressure about 350pm or so. My OB checked my cervix and I was 7cm/100% - then minutes later, I wanted to push. I went from 7cm to delivered in less than 15 minutes. Like I said. Fast. Just as I started pushing, Kevin called my mom and Mairead in for the birth. Mairead came and stood right next to me. She had the biggest smile on her face, and the excitement in her eyes was just contagious. As the baby got really close to being delivered, Mairead noticed I was in a bit of pain (you know, he was right there). Mairead says to me "Mommy, if you're in pain, I can hold your hand" - talk about one of the sweetest moments. Ever. She brought tears to everyones eyes with her love, concern and excitement over her baby brothers birth. This will surely be a moment she or I will never forget. As the time got really close, she started to get curious as to what was really going on - so, down she went to stand near my mom and Kevin.

At 405pm, Callum John was born weighing 6lbs4oz (the same exact weight as Mairead) & 19'' long

He looked just like his big sister Lilah. Absolutely beautiful. Since he had a very, very, very rapid descent and birth, he swallowed a ton of amniotic fluid on his way out. I tried to stimulate him, but he appeared just like his big sister Lilah at birth - peaceful and not a screamer. I dried him off and just stared at him. He was perfect. He nursed almost immediately - perfectly. I was relieved with the fact that he would take after his sister Lilah and be a "baracuda" at the breast. He fed for close to an hour and each time he fell off, he would throw a fit. I loved it.

By this time, all three girls and my parents were in our room. The girls were in love. Clara was so excited, she climbed right up in bed with us and just stared. Babbled to her baby brother. Lilah and Mairead climbed up in bed with us and just loved on their baby brother. And so it starts....a lifetime of love and mothering from his three big sisters.

After he finished nursing, he started to make some grunting noises in his breathing. The nurse took him over to be weighed and assessed. She noticed the grunting too and checked his oxygen saturations. Low 80s. Not good. She wrapped him up tight and brought him to their newborn nursery to be assessed. While he was there, we all shared some pizza for dinner to celebrate Callum's birth.

Finally. A plan...

So, they're not letting me go home. I have some scar tissue on my cervix (from cerclages) and since I am contracting frequently (and 6cm), they're worried about it breaking open and me having a very rapid labor (it's like my cervix is saying "no, I'm not going to open......no, no.....and then BLAST! open" Not exactly the labor most people know to love and this is what happened with Clara. Once the scar tissue was broken, Clara arrived in an hour......ah, the joys of cervical incompetence...

The doc is stuck at another hospital, so she'll come in the morning to break my water. I'm happy with this plan. It gives the baby more time. It gives us time to get some sleep. It gives Mairead a pretty good chance to see her baby brother be born.

For now, I will get some sleep and start "fresh" in the morning!

Good Night!

STILL here.

OK. I'm frustrated.

I'm here. At the hospital. No baby.

I am still waiting for the doc to get here - she's been held up at the other local hospital delivering a baby (c-section and now an active labor patient she can't leave).

I have been getting antibiotics every 4 hours in anticipation of the doctor breaking my water.

To say I am a bit perturbed is an understatement. If I had known, I would have gone home a long time ago......I am a bit sad because Mairead will most likely miss the birth and I know how much she wanted to see this.

That's all for now...

Hereeeeeeeee we go!

So, after I posted earlier, I thought "hmmmmmmm, maybe I should check my cervix again and see what's going on..."

So I did.

I was 5cm. I called my OB and they said why don't you come into the office to get checked. Perfect.

Two minutes later, the office calls back and says "Hey Steph, it's the nurse again.....So, yeah, I just talked with the doc, and ahhh, she apparently doesn't trust your cervix like I do, and she just wants you to head straight into the hospital."

OK. Great. So, I went into overdrive. Got the girls dressed. Changed our sheets. Did some laundry. Cleaned up. Made sure everything was somewhat organized and called my parents to let them know the plan. I knew once they saw I was 5cm they wouldn't let me leave.

And they haven't.

I'm sitting here. Waiting. Even though I tested negative for group B strep, I was positive for Mairead and Lilah, and I was always taught "once GBS+, always GBS+" - so, antibiotics it is....I got my first dose about 130pm, and once I get my second (about 530pm), they'll break my water and it will be show time for real!

It's crazy to think! Have I mentioned how I am so not looking forward to having to push this baby out??? It's exciting, too! Our girls are so excited. Mairead is worried she is going to miss it, but, as long as everything goes "as planned" - she shouldn't miss a thing!

So, of course, there is another active labor patient at another hospital, so I have to wait for her to deliver before they'll break my water!!! Wait. Wait and Wait some more!

Still here...but for how long?

Yep! You read that right! I am still pregnant. For the moment!

It's been three days since my cerclage was removed and our little prince is still cooking away inside. I'm happy about that, I know with my whole "due date debate" things may be a bit off, so I hope he stays in as long as he needs to!

Yesterday, I was really crampy with a ton of pressure all day, I checked my cervix later in the day and what do you know.......I am pretty sure I was about 5-6cm. By that time in the day, I did not want to head in, so, I laid low, and thought getting a good night sleep would be the best thing! So, that's what I did. I slept decently, and woke up this morning to about a 4-5cm cervix. I figured that would happen after being off my feet all night - imagine that! I'm just hanging out wondering when I will go back to 5-6cm, that's when I will call.

I'll admit. I'm a little worried about this little guy. I just hope he's big enough and does okay when he is born. I know I felt apprehensive about the girls, too, especially Clara since she was our earliest. We've lucked out with all three girls being perfectly healthy after birth without any interventions, and I just hope that he is just as healthy as the girls are!

So, I stand here (should be sitting) wondering what today will bring.......another day wondering or the day we will meet our little prince!

Stitch Free!

It's official. I am stitch free!

It's a weird feeling and not as a "weird" feeling down there but a weird feeling as in I am about to have another baby. I am about to give birth for a fourth time.....I am about to nurse another newborn. It is just crazy!

So, about the cerclage removal. It isn't the funnest thing, but it isn't the worst thing either. The best thing about it - the discomfort only lasts a few minutes. At 845 this morning, my OB removed my stitch. It took her a few minutes. The baby's head is just so so so low that it's hard to get the speculum underneath the baby's head (the head is actually in front of my cervix if you are at all familiar with female anatomy). There is some pressure, throbbing and cramping, but I just close my eyes and think of how worth it this all was, and then, it is over.

As soon as she removed the stitch, she did a cervical exam. I immediately dilated to 3cm. She said there was a band of scar tissue on my cervix (which is common with cerclages) and she thinks once that band of scar tissue breaks, that it will be very fast! After that, my OB sent me on my merry way and told me to come back in a few hours for another check. We took the girls out for a donut because they behaved so well, we came home and then went to the mall. I had no bleeding this time (I had some spotting/minor bleeding with the others), but definitely a lot of cervical pressure and throbbing.

When I went back at 1245, I was still the same (3cm), so, it could be anytime now. My guess is that it will be another 2 days or so! My OB couldn't believe just how LOW this baby's head is.....I have a feeling this will be another fast labor!

What is your guess!?!

Tomorrow is the big day.

Tomorrow will mark the third time that I have beat cervical incompetence. And I feel so very lucky...

Tomorrow, my cerclage will be removed and as I put it "the flood gates will be allowed to open"

It still hasn't hit me. And I am not sure when it will, but I know, I am so very excited to meet this little prince of ours, and I know his big sisters are even more excited!


So, we'll take a little poll - you can submit your guess by clicking on the comment button below this post:

1. When do you think he will be born?
2. How much will he weigh?


Here is a little background information:

Mairead: 37 weeks & 6lbs4oz (No Cerclage, induced)


Lilah: 36 weeks, 6 days & 6lbs, 0z (Born 6 days post cerclage removal)


Clara: 36 weeks, 2 days & 7lbz, 0z (Born 2 days post cerclage removal)


Tomorrow, I will be 36 weeks exactly.

So, what are your guesses? Will he come the same day as my cerclage is removed or will he take is sweet time and take a while longer?

Looking forward to seeing what everyone guesses!

Ya gotta look good on the table!

It's official, unless of course this kid decides to play any April fool games beforehand, on Monday, I will be getting my cerclage removed at 0830! It is hard to believe the time is fast approaching and by this time next week we could very well be home with our newest member - or at least holding him in our arms!

This last week has been full of preparations for the baby and me! Last weekend I washed his clothes and have been organizing things. I've started thinking about what I will be bringing to the hospital with me and most importantly, been scheduling appointments to make sure this lady is all dolled up for the big day! I've been on the hunt down for some nice, comfy PJs - you won't catch me in those supposed one-size-fits-all hospital gowns - I'm not sick, I've given birth (that's a whole 'nother topic for a whole different day....." (though, I'll admit - I do like those mesh underwear they hand out!) Of course this picky mamma has certain criteria for "I've just given birth PJs" - they have to be dark colored (you know giving birth isn't the cleanest of things for the first day or two), they have to support the girls (you know what I mean...) and they have to be appropriate to wear in a hospital - no slinky gowns or silky pajamas here!

While I may possess a lot of qualities of a crunchy mamma, I also enjoy a good pampering, too! Today, I had an appointment at the hair salon for a cut and color and this weekend I will be heading to get a pedicure.

So before I start talking about primping - I'll have to tell a funny story about one of my hairdressers.

Before I had Clara, I went to the same salon I went to today. The "guy" who cut my hair is gay. He was hilarious and  I enjoy talking to him. When he heard I was due to have Clara within a week or so, he exclaims "Yaaaaaaaa Gotttta look good on THE table!" I will never forget it, and he's right! You gotta look good, or at least feel halfway good! 

I remember when I worked as a labor & delivery nurse and seeing some people with nasty feet - ewwwwwww! There is nothing I hate more than feet, and nasty feet are even worse! YUK! Not only do I want to feel good about myself while everyone is invading my personal space (if you've had a baby, you know what I mean), but I want to feel good afterwards. Having my hair cut and nails done just makes me feel human, and sometimes after having a baby, you don't feel quite so human, so, I do everything I can to help make myself feel normal - you know, as normal as you can after having your 4th child and being a sleep deprived milk machine all while chasing around three small children! God, I must be insane!

So, for the next few days, I will be preparing myself for childbirth and having a newborn again. Of course, there are still a few last minute preparations for the baby, and enjoying the last few days as a "House full of Fairies".....before our prince arrives and rocks our household!

The Baby Getter-Outer

I've spoken before how our oldest, Mairead is very interested in the body, especially when it comes to pregnancy and babies. She's a girl after my own heart!

The other day, I asked the girls what they wanted to be when they grew up. Mairead's response:

"A doctor"

Me: "What kind of doctor?"

Mairead: "A baby-getter-outer type doctor"

I chuckled! How could you not?

(She even told my OB this the other day, and told her that she wanted to learn about getting babies out)

She then went on to talk about birth and how she wanted to see her baby brother be born. It isn't the first time she's asked about this. It's a tough call, and not a tough call because she couldn't handle it, but a tough call because it is going to take an extra person to be with just Mairead during the delivery.

She has watched her birth videos countless times in awe and asks amazingly appropriate questions afterwards. She loves 'A baby story' on TLC and knows having a baby hurts and some mommies cry, scream and yell. We've talked a great deal about childbirth, so I am certain she would most likely do just fine. I know how I have dealt with childbirth in the past, and know if she were to come in the room during the last few minutes, she would probably be awe struck and be okay.

I've been spending the last few days trying to plan out how it will work out - who will watch the girls, will there be someone extra around so Mairead and my mother can be present, too. It's a lot of planning, but I am confident if the situation goes as "smoothly" as it has with the previous three, we should be able to pull it off with the help and support of our family and friends. Not only have I needed to plan for someone to help, but I have had to start preparing Mairead for the birth if she were to make it. A friend of mine sent me this link, and it provided a lot of great resources. Some days I wish I could have a home birth...

It is a decision that will most likely come at the last minute depending on how the situation presents itself. Chances are it won't work out, and if it does, I hope it bodes to be an unforgettable memory for her watching her baby brother come into this world.

I just have to add another question from Mairead today:

"When babies come out, do they just rip a hole in your pants?" :)

It's going to happen. Again.

Wow. This is all becoming too real for me. You know, the whole giving birth part. I can't believe I am going to have to push another baby out of me in just a few short weeks. I think about my experiences with the girls and they have all been really, really great, but you know, pushing a baby out of there is never a whole lot of fun no matter how quick and easy it may seem. Especially when you don't use drugs. Yeah, why do I do that again??? and again? and again? 

With all three girls I have elected to have them naturally. No medications. No epidural. Nada. I am planning on doing it again. My head keeps flashing back to one particular photograph my sister in law took during Clara's birth. My face looks like I am in hell. I really don't want to go back there again! I guess that is why they call it 'the ring of fire'!

I have not gone into labor on my own - they have never allowed me to get that far. I tend to dilate pretty much painlessly, and each time I've gone in to get checked, I've been 5-6cm, so of course, they don't let me go home, they break my water, and voila! An hour or two later, I have a baby. It's been a pretty good gig, and I assume it will happen similarly with this kid. My labor is pretty easy once they break my water, but pushing........oh god, I hate pushing. I think it was especially worse with Clara because she was our biggest baby at 7lbs (at 36w2d!!!), a pound MORE exactly than Lilah (6lbs), our second born...she hurt me. But, once they are born, I feel amazing. And since I pushed for only 10 minutes with Clara, I guess I shouldn't be able to complain...too much. Giving birth is invigorating, no really, it is!


It's funny because people say that you tend to forget all about the pains of childbirth after your first child, and that is what makes you want to do it again....I'd say that rings true for your second - you are just so in to having your baby....your first baby, and you don't know what to expect for yourself. But what about your third? your fourth? No way. There is no amnesia goin' on in my mind right now. I remember pleading with my OB during Clara's delivery to "just cut me" and get her out. I remember feeling like she was never going to come out. It seemed like an eternity even though it was only 10 minutes. Ha!

Even thinking about having our fourth child I still wonder if this labor and delivery will be like the first three. I pray it is. It couldn't go any better as far as childbirth is concerned. I love the fact that my body knows what to do, and as long as I listen to my body, let it do its job, then everything will go just as it should. Making sure I stay in control mentally is the most important part in childbirth, at least for me. Thankfully, when I asked Kevin what I have been like during childbirth, he says I am not a screamer and that I am focused and possessed. Ah, that sounds about right...

I think about meeting our newest little sweetheart and it makes it all worth it in the end...that's why I keep doing it, right? :)

Tomorrow, I have an ultrasound, which will most likely be my last. My cerclage removal is set for April 4th if all continues to go as planned.....less than two weeks ago. Absolutely Insane.

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Happy St. Patricks Day!

This prego mamma has no green to wear that fits appropriately, so the girls thought this was a great alternative! I thought it was, too!

Mairead's preschool teacher snapped this shot of me and Clara! I love it :) 

Shingles? & More Due Date SAGA! Cerclage removal.........

Ahhhhhh....mornings like these make my head spin! Fast.

I had a regularly scheduled OB appointment with my favorite OB. She's awesome. My age and actually knew a lady I used to work with. Any-who, I was glad to see her because I wanted to talk to her about delivering me.

Well, last week I tested positive for strep throat - It's been a rough month for sickness for me. I am not a sick person.....never sick, but with colds, strep and a stomach bug, I'm over it. On Sunday, I developed (you may want to stop reading here if you're squeamish) a rash on my.....arss. A small one, but it packed a decent amount of punch. A burny (is that a word???) itchy sensation. I figured I'd see my doc on Wednesday and as long as it didn't get worse, I'd just deal with it. On Monday, it was better. Then last night, I felt another (smaller) spot on my......ummmmm....ass. On my butt cheek. Same look. Same feel. So today, I had my OB look at it. She did some viral/bacterial cultures on it and thought it could be bacterial and prescribed meds. She told me to try and get in with my regular doc today to take a closer look at it just to be sure.

She checked my cervix and I am still 1cm/50%. Her comment "OH MY. His head is right there!!!" - Yeah, I know. Believe me. She talked about the potential of doing some steriods for the baby's lungs, but, for now, we will hang tight since there aren't any changes. I asked her if she could "special" me, meaning, have her deliver me. At first, she was apprehensive because she has a small infant, but once we talked about my "history", she said she'd schedule the cerclage herself and plan it that way....Awesome. Looks like she'll probably deliver him!

Overall, a decent appointment.

Then, as if one appointment wasn't enough, I made my way to my regular doctors office to have my arss looked at. Thankfully, they took me right in and Kevin met me there, too, to help with the girls. He took one look at it and said it looked viral to him, more like shingles! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, he did more cultures, consulted with OB and said not to take antibiotics, but to take an anti-viral. I just can't help but think this isn't shingles.....I asked the doc why I wasn't in pain and he said it was probably a mild case. Great. This is just great. I just hope the cultures come back as nothing.....or not shingles or anything like that!

As if that wasn't enough drama for my little morning, I get a call from my OB asking me what was going on about my due date. I laughed at her. She was the only doc I hadn't pleaded my case to. You can read about my Due Date Debate or other posts. She was like "but he is measuring according to your dates consistently from 9 weeks!" - and I laughed and said "Yes, but no one has listened to me, and I gave up." - She said she looked through every single ultrasound report and said that my baby was NOT 12 days behind my LMP, and was going to go by my LMP/Ultrasound dates.........So what the heck does that mean??????????

She is scheduling my cerclage for APRIL 4th!!!!!!! Not April 11th!!!!! ONE WEEK EARLY. She is changing my due date, which means, I am 33w1 DAY........NOT 32w1D by me........and NOT 31w4d by the other docs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew. I'm exhausted just writing about it. So, all before 130pm, this has been my day.

Under Pressure

My cervix that is...

The last week I swear the baby has piled on weight and really dug himself far, far down into my pelvis (I swear, he's right there just waiting...). Those two things have really started making things uncomfortable at times, along with the increased cramping.

Tomorrow, I am 32 weeks pregnant and I honestly do not remember the pressure being this uncomfortable so often throughout the day at this point - maybe it was, and maybe all my pregnancies are just running together, but one thing is for certain - it definitely makes me a little worried about how much more uncomfortable things can/will get.

I am sure the pressure and cramping with a 4th pregnancy is probably pretty normal at this stage, but throw in a cerclage and it just makes it worse. The tension placed on my cervix is just uncomfortable - throbbing, like my cervix wants to open on up. Add on a 23lb toddler who needs to be carried, lifted out of cars, carts, etc, and it just doesn't help - thankfully, she's in a toddler bed, so I don't have to lift her in and out of cribs.

So, for now, I'll just try and be good, and think that no bleeding means I am not dilating any more than I am now.  Next OB appointment is Wednesday...we'll see!

31 week bumpity bump - have you seen my mind?

Sometimes, being pregnant is almost like losing your mind and the more kids you have, the more mind loss there is - at least that is how it has felt lately!

It's hard to believe I will be 31 weeks tomorrow. Seriously? How did that happen? This feels like the first baby that I am not prepared for and how it might be better for him to just stay in for......well, a long time. In about five weeks, I will be getting my cervical cerclage removed (maybe I should keep it in?), and for Clara, it only took her two days for her to show her pretty little face. So, in essence, this little prince could be here in as little as 5 weeks.....5 weeks! That's like ONE month. That is NOT a lot of time people.

Last Thursday, I had an OB appointment with the doc who delivered Clara. She rocks! She is so laid back and nice - and unfortunately, she doesn't do deliveries anymore. What a bummer! She rechecked my cervix and thankfully I am still the same (1cm/50%) and other than that, everything was fine. A typically boring OB appointment - I guess boring is good!

As I become more and more pregnant, while chasing around three crazy kids, I find myself doing crazy things. For example...today, we had a big dinner at my parents house to celebrate my dads birthday. For dinner, we let the kids choose, Mairead chose PB&Fluff and the other two had chicken nuggets with mac/cheese.

Well, here's Mairead, fooling around, getting out of her seat. I tell her to get back in her seat. Eat your dinner. Then, she's screwing off again! So, I raise my voice, and say SIT DOWN! And EAT YOUR DINNER!

Then, I look down on the counter, and there sits her dinner. I forgot to give her the plate. Yeah. She had every reason to be fooling around!

I had the intention of writing some other "losing your mind" stories, but.........I forgot. HA!

Oh, and here I am today at just about 31 weeks pregnant....I guess it's about time I post a baby bump shot!

I'll have to post a comparison of all four pregnancies at this stage to see if there are any differences. I feel as though I am carrying the same as with the others.

PS - I just spoke with my husband and he said he read this blog post, and said I typed we had dinner at my parents.......No. We didn't. We had lunch. :) See...I'm definitely not all there!

Diapers made for a prince

I guess being 30 weeks (holy shit, am I really 30 weeks pregnant today?????) it's time to start preparing for the arrival of a little boy here in the girl dominated Ferrie household. I honestly don't know where to start, this house is all pink and purple from toys to clothes to socks to diapers.

It's been a while since I've mentioned that I cloth diaper Clara. I started off cloth diapering Lilah when she was about 18 months old and realized how much I liked it! I bought all sorts of cool girly diapers for Clara. So, what now? We're having a boy, and there is no way I can put most of these diapers on my little princes bum. What's a girl to do???

Well...buy new dipes! 


Kelly's Closet is a Maine based cloth diaper company I have ordered from in the past. Unfortunately, they have stopped selling my favorite Blueberry diapers, but they did have a pretty good sale where you buy at least $59 worth of stuff and you get a free diaper.....so, that's what I did! I bought three one-size Bum Genius 4.0 Artist Series dipes (I'm not a HUGE Bum Genius fan...btw) for the little prince and got a free one-size Rumparooz in yellow...not too shabby! I still need about 6-8 more diapers for this little guy...not to mention lots of other things!

Helllloooooooooo, Baby!

Little prince sucking on arm

This afternoon, I had an ultrasound to check on our little prince. Now that my regular cervical length checks are through (just checked through manual exams), they are now on to monitoring my fluid levels since I have a history of oligohydramnios with two of our girls.

Once again, we had an awesome ultrasound tech! The baby looked awesome, and growing perfectly, with an estimated weight of 3lbs7oz at 29w2d according to me (30w2d according to them) which is the 50%! My fluid levels were normal with an AFI (amniotic fluid index) of 12. Normal levels are between 5-20, so a pretty wide range.

Little foot by face - you can see his arm holding his foot in place :)

And just his sweet little face...

Our little prince was anything but shy. Thankfully he is head down and was having a snack on his hands, feet, legs and arms - well anything he could get into his little mouth, really. I have a feeling he is going to be just like his big sister, Lilah - a big eater! When we had our frequent ultrasounds with Lilah, he always had her hands and feet in her mouth. When she was born all she wanted to do was nurse, nurse, nurse! She used to gorge herself, and then would projectile vomit all over the place :) - such great memories!


Oh, and PS........we just got word we aren't staying here in Portland, someone else got assigned to Kevin's job. We're still waiting to hear where we will be going. Looks like Boston or DC. Let's pray for Boston.....something is telling me we're going to DC.

Doctor, Doctor

Today was a day filled with lovely doctor appointments. Lilah and Clara had their 3 year/15 month well child check - poor Mairead was sad it wasn't her turn for a check up, she loves going to the doctor.

Lilah was a wonderful patient, got two shots and barely shed a tear. At just over three years, she weighs a whopping 27lbs and is 35'' tall! She's my petite and perfectly portioned little girl at 25% for both height and weight. The pedi was impressed with her skiing ability! I chuckled as I answered the questions about whether or not she can "jump" (HA!) and whether she can dress herself, among other "silly for Lilah" questions.

Clara was all over the place! She got one shot and cried for a second. She is surely our "bruiser" weighing in at 23lbs and 31'' tall, about 50% and 75% each - Kevin and I often wonder where she came from as both Mairead & Lilah were barely 20lbs by 18 months old. I keep wondering if she will catch Lilah with her weight - I am thinking it may be very possible! She also impressed the pedi with her climbing and running skills. The pedi listened to her chest and said she definitely sounded congested, with some slight wheezing noted, but nothing worrying to her, and said she looked great otherwise! She said there has been a ton chest colds going around, some taking several weeks to clear up. She said I shouldn't be surprised if she still sounds congested for up to another week, and as long as she doesn't develop another fever, she'll be fine.

After spending most of the morning in the pediatricians office, we came home and ate lunch, then it was time for me to go to my 28 week OB appointment. Seriously.....what a waste those appointments can be. I swear if I didn't have to have my blood drawn, I'd wonder why I needed to go! I also saw the OB I am least thrilled about. I just am not into her - she's the only OB in that practice that I pray does not deliver me. I joke to Kevin about keeping my legs crossed when it is time to have the kid so I don't have to have her deliver this baby. Anyways, she checked my cervix and it was the same, so that's great news....still 1cm/50%. I also had my blood tests for checking my iron, and my A1C/random glucose since I asked for an alternative to the glucola testing. Other than that, it was an uneventful appointment....Next week I have an ultrasound.

You must be relieved.

I've been hearing this comment a lot lately, and to be honest, it annoys me.

You must be relieved. 

When trekking through a store or restaurant or public place with our three little ladies, and people notice I am pregnant, complete strangers have no problem saying things like...

Is it a boy??? 

I hope it's a boy??? 

Oh! Wow! Three girls!?! Hope the next one is a boy!" 

I'll respond politely, which, I'll be honest, it's getting harder and harder to be polite the more pregnant I get, and say "Yes, it's a boy" or something like that.

It's funny because people, even those I know, think that I/we are relieved to be having a boy...like the only reason why we had another baby was to have a boy. 

The truth is, I am not relieved it is a boy. I am relieved he is healthy. 

To be perfectly honest, at this point, a girl would have been just as welcomed, and actually easier. Nothing to buy. Nada...just a little bit of a clothes shuffle, and bam! all ready for the new babe...not with a boy though, at least not for me. I can't/won't wrap him or dress him in pink! But that's just me... I wouldn't say I am disappointed he is a boy...but sometimes I feel like I am. All I have to do is remind myself about what matters - that he is born healthy and here with us. Then, I feel better.

I find myself wondering where to start. He needs clothes and he needs a few things - particularly a name! 

Boys names are just tough, and I find there are a ton of names out there, but they are either very traditional, like John or James or way out there like Jett or something a little too radical for us. We have three girls with names that are in the middle of the road, maybe a bit on the different side, and I need a boys name like that, too...any ideas for us? Please help!!! 

Boy clothes are tough, too. After having three girls, it's tough to switch to boy clothes. I find myself loving the boy toddler clothes so much more than the boy infant clothes. 

I find myself at the 10 week point until I get my stitch removed, and think I am so not ready to have this baby! I am still a bit in denial about the fact that he in fact is a boy. I think I will probably be in this so-called-denial until I hold his little body in my arms. 

For those of you who have had several children of one sex and went on to have a baby of another, how did you manage? Was it difficult? Did people make comments to you (I know people feel the need to make comments about anything, and if we were having another girl, we'd get comments about that, too...)? How did you prepare yourself?