Gingerbread House FIASCO.

Starting the project off happy, happy! 

Do you ever have some days where you ask yourself "why?"......or do you ever have these grandiose ideas about how wonderful and fun and exciting a project will be with your kids?

Today, I had those grandiose ideas, and then I found myself asking "why"....

I should have known that today shouldn't have been the day to attempt that grandiose idea with my three, beautiful princesses. The morning started off rocky. There was little listening and a lot of arguing. I kept threatening to pull the plug on the big gingerbread house project, but, they redeemed themselves, and I thought it was worth the try. After all, it is the holiday season and I wanted to have a fun day building gingerbread houses and baking Lilah's birthday cake (more on that, later!)... So. We tried. And I failed. 

See my beautiful creation in the background?

Little did I know I set myself up for failure before we even started the project. I usually buy the already built and ready to decorate gingerbread house, so it's quick satisfaction for the girls [and me]...but noooooo, I must not have been paying attention and bought the you can build, hold together for hours until it dries gingerbread house. Yeah. It didn't quite work. And with three little kids who want it and want it now, that is...impossible. 

See the proof? We actually did try

The girls were excited and I was afraid of the outcome. We all started of happy and having fun together. We made the icing, I read the direction, and then found myself holding the gingerbread house together, afraid to let go. I used cans to help hold it together. The girls started to fool around, eat the "do not recommend eating icing" after I told them a gazillion times not to eat the icing (Yeah, I know it's too tempting) and then they just started being fresh. Before I knew it, Lilah was in time out, and then she got out, and Mairead was in time out, and by then, the gingerbread house was.....well, not standing anymore. At that point, the girls were just not behaving. I looked at the counter and it was a huge mess, icing everywhere with a house that was no longer standing. The kids were screaming. I wanted to scream. And suddenly, this awesome, grandiose idea of building a holiday gingerbread house with my three little princesses.....well, was just a memory. 

Our end product. In pieces.

Note to self....next time read the box and make sure it reads house pre-assembled or that the house comes with gorilla glue that you don't have to wait a million years to wait dry! 

Short & Sweet - 19wk Ultrasound

19w1d Ultrasound (face shot with arm by head)

Short and sweet....not referring to cervical length, thankfully!

Not much to report today...had my usual every two week cervical length check and ultrasound. We were the last ultrasound of the day and you could tell the ultrasound tech wanted to get out of town, so the ultrasound did not last very long! I honestly think she rushed it just a tad too much, but whatever...

My cervix measured 2.0-2.2cm, a little shorter than two weeks ago, but still acceptable and within the norms for me at this point of pregnancy. The baby looked good, she didn't do measurements or anything, but did do a quick fluid and heart rate check, and all was normal! 

The baby was moving all around - I am really starting to feel his  movements a lot. Kevin is starting to feel him, too! 

Sesame Street Live! Imagine 1-2-3

On Sunday, we took the girls to see our third Sesame Street Live show. The last two shows have been awesome and we had been lucky enough to sit in the front row. The girls have walked away from the show in awe at what they had just seen as the characters get down on the floor to dance, hug and interact with the children. It's like a dream for them! And to this day, they still talk about it!

This year when we went to buy tickets, we learned that we wouldn't be able to sit in the front row unless we paid DOUBLE the money, which included the seats and a "meet and greet" with the characters. There was no way we could afford to spend that kind of money and take all of the kids, so we thought the 2nd row would be just as good! The girls were so excited to go, and to be honest, we were pretty excited to take them knowing how much fun they had the previous years.

I have to say this years show was a disappointment, I don't even think the girls were that psyched about it either. In the past, the girls talked about the show for days, but as of today, the girls haven't really mentioned it...The characters didn't get down on the floor and interact with the kids nearly half as much as they did previously. Honestly, I think they did this on purpose since the people in the front row paid more for this "interaction" before/after the show. Don't get me wrong, the girls had a blast, got to shake hands with Ernie and get up close with Zoe, but they didn't get to hug or dance with any of the characters like they have previously. Call my kids spoiled, but I think they were a little sad because they didn't understand why the characters didn't go up to them!

Overall, the girls had a fun time! Clara watched the first 30+ minutes in awe and didn't move off of my lap. Lilah and Mairead were in dancing heaven and just enjoyed themselves....not to mention, enjoyed the cotton candy, too! We are so fortunate to be able to take our girls to things like this!

I will say that after this years disappointment, I probably wouldn't bring them to another show again - plus, I think they're ready to move on to bigger and better things :) and so is mommy & daddy!

Lilah couldn't believe her eyes! Mairead was in awe...

Clara had just woken up from a little nappy....my tired little baby girl

Christmas Party

Our family

On Friday night, Kevin and I went to the annual Coast Guard Christmas party held at a local hotel here. My parents were a huge help and watched the girls so Kevin and I could enjoy the party! This was the first time we had ever left Clara before bed time, and the first time anyone besides me or Kevin had put her to bed...She's so easy now, I didn't anticipate a problem, and thankfully, she was an angel, and went to bed just perfectly! The big girls had a blast, too! They ordered pizza, played and watched a Christmas movie together. Kevin and I had a nice time, too! It was nice getting out to socialize without the kiddos, even if it was a work sponsored event!

I also thought it was time to post a few preggo photos of me...I had seen this black dress at The Gap and wanted to buy it, but refused to spend $68 on it....but low and behold, I was at the mall on Thursday, went into Gap Maternity, and it was on sale for $36, not to mention, I got an additional 30% off! 

Me (18w4d pregnant) & Kevin

Bath Time Fun!

We love bath time in our house!

Most nights, Kevin usually bathes all three girls together and they love it! They splash...blow bubbles and have fun! We bath them almost every night, but only because they love it so much, and it is just a way to have a little fun before we head to bed! 

Lilah wasn't cooperating with the camera, so she is left out of these photos...but I can assure you, she was participating in all the silliness :)

Clara has had a little obsession with towels as of late. She hates when you try to put the towel on her because she insists on doing it herself...So, here she is prancing around with her cute little body and her towel....

Due Date Debate

I am seriously getting annoyed.

Anyways, had a regular OB appointment today. Met the 2nd of two new docs in the practice. I liked her, a lot. I think she fits in well with the other docs there, unlike the one I met last time. She was very nice, easy to talk to, and seemed fairly laid back.

I talked to her about my "due date debate". I have three due dates...

May 2nd - which is my last menstrual period date and the date in which MFM (high risk docs) are using. They say since the baby is measuring within ONE week of this date, they won't change it. 

May 9th - date based on my 9 week ultrasound and every single ultrasound I have had since 9 weeks, not to mention, it correlates perfectly with when I ovulated and got pregnant. I am 100% sure of that.

May 14th - the date the OB office is using based on a 5 week ultrasound. This ultrasound wasn't even done at an obstetrical place, so I don't have much faith in this one and the doc today even agreed on that one! 

I spoke to the OB about the dates and how the May 9th date is the accurate one. After I "pleaded" my case, she agreed, but since the doc from last time wrote a note about me discussing it with her, she wasn't comfortable going behind her back to change it - which I completely understand. I know you're probably thinking, it's only a few days...but, in my world a few days is a lot. I tend to carry my babies super duper low and by 36 weeks, their heads are so unbelievably low and I am quite uncomfortable. Think about stitches keeping your cervix closed and a 6-7lb body/head pushing down on it....ouch. I can feel the tension and it isn't nice. The pressure is just intense and I dread it! 

Anyways, I just don't get it. They are going by one measly ultrasound that wasn't even done at a place that does OB ultrasounds regularly. The date does even come close to correlating with when I know I became pregnant (and ovulated), let alone 25 days INTO my cycle and Kevin being deployed to the oil spill. I'm annoyed, but I think we will get this settled sooner than later! 

Other than that, just a typical OB appointment. I'll be going back in two weeks....can't wait! :)

Halfway.

Today, marks 18 weeks and the halfway point to the day I will get my cerclage removed. Lilah (our 2nd daughter) was born 6 days post removal, and Clara (our 3rd) was born just two days after removal.

It seems like the first 18 weeks has gone by fairly slow, but I know, the next 18 weeks is going to fly by. I hope the next half of my pregnancy will go as smoothly as the first half. 

Now that we know we are having a boy, we have lots to do to prepare for him....there is no way I will be able to wrap our beautiful baby boy in a pink or purple blanket! He's going to have a hard enough time maintaining his "male identity" in this female dominant household - though, I question that statement after what I witnessed during our ultrasound on Friday.

I have a regular OB appointment on Wednesday, and I am going to talk to them about all of these supposed "due dates" floating around. I have changed my ticker one week behind my original dates since that is where baby has been measuring since about 8-9 weeks. 

So, here's to another successful and healthy 18 weeks with our little man! 

Christmas Tree

Last year, we thought it would be fun to cut down our own Christmas tree. The girls had a lot of fun doing it, too!After some grumbling from Kevin (he wanted a pre-cut tree - BORING!), we decided to do it again this year! It was actually pretty warm outside even though we had gotten a dusting of snow over night.

So, we dressed up the kiddos and headed out to a local tree farm. While Kevin paid, the girls enjoyed playing in a sleigh they had on display. Mairead remembers last year, and Lilah does not, so this was a great experience for Lilah. Clara was just a wee little one, about 10 weeks old all cuddled up in my pouch, so this was very different for her! She was a maniac! 

Kevin thought he found the perfect tree. Little and easy to cut down. The girls didn't agree with daddy!

Clara thought it would be fun to run away. As you can see above, she didn't get very far. Non-traction shoes and wet grounds didn't mix very well. She thought it was fun! 

The girls were so excited watching daddy cut down their new Christmas tree! They couldn't wait to bring it home and decorate! 

Clara, of course, had to check it out. She was very interested in the trees! She's so cute :)

Daddy and Mairead show off their new tree! Daddy was tired after hauling it up the hill....where was that damn tractor anyways!?!

Hurry up, Daddy! It's cold out here. Mairead forgot her jacket.....thankfully it wasn't too cold and daddy was quick with the hand saw!

The next day, we set the tree up and decorated! I put the lights on while daddy helped me and got dinner cooking! Thankfully, Clara wasn't too interested in knocking the tree down. I thought for sure that would have been first on her list of "to-do's"

Mairead was so excited to place the ornament on the tree. She had been anxiously awaiting the day when she could place her favorite ornament, the Polar Express, on the tree. 

Last year, Lilah was barely two, and wasn't interested in decorating the tree, so she napped instead. This year was an entirely different story. She couldn't wait to help and decorate. She did an awesome job, and her big sister, Mairead, did a great job teaching her! 

The girls worked hard putting all the ornaments in the right place - even the heavy ones up top so Clara couldn't reach them! 

Lilah shows her new skills of tree decorating! 

There is me and Lilah decorating the tree together! 

And last, but not least, there is daddy and Mairead putting some of the last ornaments on the tree. I am so glad we all were able to decorate the tree together. We all had a blast together, listening to some Harry Connick JR, Christmas. Even Clara was into it, and she wasn't such a terror like I thought she'd be. At the end, she did want to take some of the ornaments off of the tree, but she only did it so she could try and put them back on the tree, just like her big sisters. 

A house full of fairies.....

and a prince. 

Do you see that third leg??? 

Yes, you read that right. Our house will soon no longer be filled with just "fairies". We are having a boy. A beautifully, healthy baby boy. We are still in shock. Even though we've known this baby has been a boy for about two weeks, today was just confirmation that our world is about to change. Big time. The entire pink & purple dynamics of our house will soon turn into pink, purple & blue. I am happy. I am happy that it is a boy. I would have been happy if it was a girl. I am even more happy that our baby boy is as healthy as can be - sex did not matter to me. His heart looks perfect. His brain is normal. His spine is beautiful. He has kidneys. A handsome little face. And perfect hands & feet. And a penis that his perfect little hands like to play with. Wow. He IS a boy. 

Profile with his right arm up by his face. 

Our little boy was nothing but shy. This was the third ultrasound in a row that he has had absolutely no trouble with showing off his junk. Today, it was obvious. We have a video of him stroking his penis. It is like nothing you have ever seen before. I'll try and see if I can upload it on here because it is something you have to witness. We (me, Kevin an the ultrasound tech) were in stitches laughing at this kid. I had tears in my eyes. It is that funny! 

As far as my cervix goes, all was well with that, too. What a huge relief. My cervix stayed the same as last, about 2.2cm. I am not complaining, but I don't feel comfortable quite yet...still have several weeks to go until we are out of that danger period. Like I said in my previous post, it's tough trying to distinguish between "normal" pregnancy feelings and "not-so-normal" ones. I like to think I know my body, and the fact that I've had three successful pregnancies makes me optimistic, but I'm still worried. So, for now, I will take comfort in knowing that all is well with me and our baby. 

Profile

Now that we know this little baby is a boy we can really start to bond and get to know him. It really feels weird using "him" and "he"....just strange. The girls are excited. Mairead has said it was a boy from the get go. She was right. They are infatuated with knowing he has a penis. I have officially been wrong 100% of the time. Go me! I am not disappointed he is a boy, but it does make me a bit sad knowing that our beautiful baby girl clothes will never be worn by any of our children again. It's just strange...but I know this little boy will bring so much joy and happiness to our family. I think he will surely complete us. 

*Oh! I am going to have to think of another title for our blog! I like the "fairies" because our last name is Ferrie.......but now I'll have to incorporate that into our new, mixed gender family :)

Here is the video........I have to tell you that this is 100% REAL and So NOT fabricated....except for me adding text so you know what you're looking at (like you will need help!)

Ultrasound tomorrow....

This stage of pregnancy tends to worry me the most - it is when my cervix tends to do all of the "shrinking". I am 18+ weeks by dates, and 17+ by ultrasound. Tomorrow, I believe I am having what is called the "fetal survey" where they will check all systems of baby to make sure everything looks normal and of course, will be checking the length of my cervix and cerclage. 

Since we've had several ultrasounds to date, nothing has looked abnormal thus far with baby, but that doesn't make me feel any better. There are still so many things still to look at. So many people call this ultrasound the "gender ultrasound" - no people, that is not why they do an ultrasound at this stage of pregnancy, for me, finding out the gender is just an added bonus of determining the health of our baby. This ultrasound is to make sure our baby is healthy. To make sure my cerclage is holding strong and my cervical length is staying in a "safe range". 

So, about gender. If you've read below, you may have read that we already have an idea what this little bean growing inside of me is. It's funny because most people assume that because we already have three beautiful (if I must say so myself) little girls that we are desperate for a boy (or that is why we got pregnant). No. That is not the case. For me, at this stage, it would really just be "easier" to have another girl. Nothing new to buy for, and honestly, the thought of having another little girl is just awesome. Don't jump to conclusions quite yet. If this baby is a boy, it will be great, too. It will add a whole different dimension to this family. This house is pink & purple and having a boy will rock this house royally! If this baby is a healthy baby boy, we are psyched. If this baby is a healthy baby girl, we are psyched. Sex does not matter to me, even after three healthy girls. It just doesn't matter. Really. 

If I said I wasn't worried about my cervical length, I'd be lying. I hate not knowing. I have a doppler here at home and when I wasn't feeling baby move, I'd listen to our baby and hear that glorious sound and feel relieved. Unfortunately, there is no "tool" like the doppler that can measure cervical length at home, so any pressure, cramping, pain, etc I feel is one big fat question mark. Every time I feel my cervix throbbing, I question myself....should I be worried? Is something going on? Or is this just normal everyday cramping that every women that has been pregnant three times before goes through? Do I call the doctor? It sucks. Obviously, chasing around three young girls there is only so much resting I can do, and I try to listen to my body as much as possible - and I try to reassure myself with my history...but that question mark still remains, and until I hit that big 24 week mark, I will continue to have these big time question marks. 

So, tomorrow we will find out a whole lot of things. I pray our baby is healthy. I pray my cervical length has not changed, unless for the better. If we accomplish those two things, I will be a happy, happy mamma. Will update tomorrow....with hopefully some good photos of our little one! 

PENIS & DA-GINA

Potty talk is a huge hit in our house. If it isn't the girls talking about poop and taking dumps (thanks, Kev!), they're talking about "doody's" (penis) and "da-gina" (vagina). We try not to make a big deal about it, but sometimes it is so hard not to laugh, especially when it sounds funny. 

Kevin and I try to be upfront about our bodies. We don't hide anything and when the girls ask questions, we try to answer appropriate and correctly. Ever since Mairead coud talk, she has called a penis a "doody" - we have absolutely no clue as to where she came up with that term. It was all on her own, nice, huh? When we got older, we would start to correct the term. Now that Lilah is old enough, she has caught on to the "terminology" both correct and incorrect. It's lovely. Really. Who would have thought such pretty girls would be talking like this? :)

Today, I was shopping in Old Navy with Lilah and Clara while Mairead was in school. I was looking at some leggings when Lilah belts out:

"I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!?!" 

I just about choked on my own spit. She repeated the question several times knowing there were other people around shopping, too. And if you know Lilah, you know her tone. Hilarious.

I respond: 

"Nope." Embarrassed, wanting this conversation to end. Now. 

Then, she quickly responds, just as loud as before:

"I GOTTA DA-GINA??????" 

Blushing, I said:

"Yeah. So.....is Santa coming to our house?"

Wow. Some things you just don't expect from kids. I mean, you know they will come out at some point, and you just pray they don't happen in the middle of a clothing store surrounded by other people who are listening! 

Happy Thanksgiving

It's amazing to think the holiday season has arrived. Every year, it never fails to sneak up on me...maybe because I am the procrastinating fool who waits until the holiday season to buy gifts, to listen to Christmas music and to think about the holidays. I am the type of person who likes to enjoy each day. Enjoy each holiday, and just savor the moments with our family.

My parents with Clara and my nephew, Landon

On Thanksgiving, we headed to my parents house. They live about an hour away. My brother and his family was there and we just enjoyed the day together. We ate lots of food, the guys watched football and the kids enjoyed all the attention. It was a day to be together and be thankful for each other. a

Mairead showing off her head-dress she made in school

This Thanksgiving was the first Thanksgiving one of our girls could actually comprehend the meaning of a holiday. Between me and Kevin along with Maireads preschool, she has learned a lot about Thanksgiving and what it is like to be thankful. I am thankful for those around us who are able to embrace our children and teach them the true meaning of Thanksgiving. One day, Mairead came home from school and I asked her about her day. She quickly explained to me that they read a book about the "cauliflower" (the Mayflower) and the Pilgrims. She told me about the book and how some Pilgrims were very sick, and some even died coming here, so when they arrived, they were so thankful to be here safe - she didn't say it in those exact words, but it was pretty darn close. At first, I thought she was embellishing on death and sickness, since 'Charlottes Web' she has been intrigued by sickness and death, but after talking to her teacher, they read about everything Mairead told me about. 

Every Thanksgiving we have I realize more and more just how lucky I am. I look at our three beautiful girls who are healthy and happy. They teach us more about life and love than we could ever imagine possible. We live in a beautiful little house and I have a husband who is so devoted and in love with his girls - I couldn't ask for more. While living the military life isn't always bliss, I am thankful that Kevin has a stable job that provides our family with so much. We are surrounded by wonderful family and friends who love and support us at every turn. I think about the baby growing inside of me and how lucky I am to be able to conceive children [easily], and even though pregnancies are difficult and risky for me and our unborn child, we have been blessed to have all of our children here with us - I am so very thankful for this, words cannot even describe. I know all too well that things don't always end happily for everyone, and I will never ever take this for granted. As I felt our baby kick for the very first time over Thanksgiving, I was reminded of all of this. I embrace each and every movement I feel from our baby...

Little Lilah

Lilah enjoying Thanksgiving dinner

I am thankful for bad days - these are the days that show me that life cannot always be perfect, so when my children hug me extra or tell me I am the best mom, or my husband does something to make my day, it really makes me thankful for good days. I am thankful for the days that aren't perfect with my husband, because Lord knows they are not always perfect - but it puts life into perspective, and only reminds me of what I DO have in my life - and am reminded to not take advantage of it. 

Clara enjoying Thanksgiving and showing her fork skills :)

Mairead looking pretty as usual! 

I only hope that we can teach our children to be thankful for everything we have together. I am hoping this year will be the first year that we can really instill these values into our children. The season of being thankful and giving. It's not about taking. I know our children won't always act perfectly or say they are thankful for us or the things they do have, all I want to know is they will always be thankful, because they are so very, very lucky. 

Interesting Quote

‎"When we spoil something, we deny it the conditions it requires. The real spoiling of children is not in the indulging of demands or the giving of gifts, but in the ignoring of their genuine needs." ~Dr. Gordon Neufeld

I couldn't agree with this quote more. I saw it one morning on facebook posted by the Attachment Parenting group I belong to. While I may not practice every aspect of attachment parenting, I do agree in their mission and I do follow many things that are considered 'attachment parenting' - I breastfeed my children, co-sleep, wear my babies, we don't spend long periods of time without our children, etc. I go back and forth about homeschooling our girls, but I'm just not quite sure it's for me. We'll see.

When I read the quote above, I think about those who believe you can spoil an infant by holding it too much or giving in to "its demands"...Hmmmm...I really don't think infants, especially those who are less than than 6 months of age are able to give demands. Those demands are simply their genuine needs. Babies are meant to be held and kept close. What did people do with their babies way before all these "parenting gurus" had something to say? They breastfed, held, loved and slept with their babies. I think back to our girls when they were young, and they cried. I couldn't ignore those cries. I couldn't just let them cry, especially if all they wanted was something as simple as me or Kevin picking them up, holding them close or wanting something so innocent. Even with two young children, having a small infant on top of that was a challenge at times, and the only way to handle a crying infant who wants her mommy or daddy was to wear her. I could have both of my hands to care for the older girls all while holding Clara close. Everyone was happy this way. We could still read, bake cookies, go on walks or do whatever. It makes parenting children who are close in age a lot easier and less stressful. I don't know about you, but a crying infant stresses me out. I can't handle it, especially knowing that they just want something so simple. 

Last spring, when Clara stopped sleeping well, people would tell me the only thing I could do was to let her cry it out. At 6 months of age, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't walk away and let her scream by herself. I know some people can do that, and some babies are receptive to that type of parenting, but for me, it is just impossible. It isn't until my children are closer to one where I can let them cry a bit, and even then, it's just for a very, very short period of time. I want them to trust us, I want them to learn that we will come when they need us. If our children need to sleep in our bed to feel secure, they can sleep in our bed. Right now, we use a cot in our room for the older girls when they need to feel close to us. It works for us.

At 14 months, Clara is an amazing sleeper. She goes to sleep in her crib awake, with a smile, and sleeps for a solid 12 hours straight, and wakes up with a smile on her face. I still nurse Clara before bed, and even to sleep if that is what she wants, I do the same for naps, too. Nursing them to sleep does not spoil them, it teaches them comfort. Mairead and Lilah are the same, they are great sleepers, and I am glad that they have learned to go to sleep without crying. I don't know about you, but I hate to cry, and when I do, I always feel like crap afterwards - headache, puffy eyes, and just generally feeling icky. 

So, for me, responding to my children when they need something is not spoiling them, I am just providing for them by meeting their current needs. By holding children and responding to their needs, you are teaching them to love and trust, and for me, this is the ultimate way to parent children. 

Thankful

Today, Mairead's preschool class had a little Thanksgiving party during the last hour of school. It was so sweet! All the kids in the class had made little Indian hats (can't think of the correct term for them, so excuse my pregnant brain) and they all sat together at the table to enjoy a snack.

Once snack was over, one of their teachers went around and asked all the children what they were thankful for. When it was Mairead's turn, the teacher asked what she was thankful for.....

"My mom" she said...

...talk about heart melting. It made me feel so good inside and to know everything she has been learning about Thanksgiving this year is really shining through.

While I know she won't always be so forward about being thankful for me or Kevin, I hope Kevin and I will be able to teach our children to always be thankful for what they have. If there ever comes a time when they are not thankful, we have gone off somewhere. I hope someday when our children are older we can bring them to places like shelters, food banks, nursing homes, etc to show them just how lucky they are to have what they have - in family and material things. It's important to me to show children (small and big) how lucky they are...

Thank you, Mairead for making my day as a mommy. I love you and I am so thankful for you, too!

And meet "Honey Bunny", Mairead's class pet - we volunteered to take care of the bunny over the Thanksgiving holiday! The kids AND dogs are psyched to have a new "friend" visiting. The bunny is as sweet as can be! I figured since I don't have enough to do, taking care of a bunny would be fun for everyone! No, really....I'm actually really excited for this! I'm such a kid!

Diamonds!

Someone in our house got Diamonds!

 ...and it wasn't me!

 Our little Lilah has been asking for earrings for the last few months, and since her big sister got her first earrings just as she was turning three, we thought it was Lilah's turn, too!

 We took her to the local mall to get them done. She was so excited! She picked out the pair of earrings she wanted, which were diamond flour earrings - too cute! She sat down in the chair with me, and the two girls fired away - I expected her to cry - Mairead did a little - but...........She DID NOT CRY!

She wanted to, but she held back the whole way! She was so proud of herself! She had a huge smile on her face for the rest of the day!

I love moments like these...

Life is full of distractions!

Let's just say life with three kids, my mind isn't always there 100%. I find myself doing multiple things at once all while tending to 1, 2 or 3 of my kids fighting for my attention! It's quite funny most days.

On Monday, I did a grocery order. Our van is getting full, and with a single AND a double stroller in the back, there isn't much room for the groceries! When I got home, I remember Clara was getting ready to throw her 3rd temper tantrum of the day, and was ticked that I had the audacity to put her down as we walked in the house - you know, I did have multiple bags of groceries to bring into the house! 

Fast forward to today - Friday. The last few days there has been a weird stench in our van. Yeah. You know where I'm heading with this one. I couldn't figure it out because our kids don't really eat in the car, not meals anyway or anything that would stink like that. All sippy cups had been accounted for in the house, so it wasn't sour milk. 

Tonight, after the kiddos went to bed, Kevin went into the car to find out what the stench could be. He couldn't find anything, so he brought our two dogs out to investigate. Well........what do you know! BINGO! A grocery bag full of groceries. Ooops! I guess I really was distracted that day.

It's contents: 

A whole ROASTER chicken

Cheese

Various yogurts

Let me tell you......a rotting roaster chicken does not smell good after being left in the car for 5 days. YUK. 

Note to self...make sure you bring in all of your groceries, and if you happen to forget one, make sure it isn't the one that includes fresh meats and perishables. 

Downward spiral? Hope not.

Yesterday I had an ultrasound to check my cervical length. I get ultrasounds every two weeks until....well, probably until the baby is born. I get them every other week for my cervical length and then once things stabilize, they start to monitor my fluid levels more closely, so then I get ultrasounds for that, too. It's a neverending story!

Hi baby! 

The tech started off doing an abdominal ultrasound to check the baby. Everything looked good and it was moving all around. The baby wasn't in a great position for getting good facial shots, but it was still fun to see the baby wiggling all around. I haven't felt any "real" kicks yet - I have questioned the baby kicking a few times, but I haven't felt it enough to confirm. I am pretty sure I am starting to feel fluttering in there - I can't wait to feel real movement! The baby did show it's junk, and we think the baby may be a boy - though we're not announcing it to the world quite yet - if you read, then you know, but, just don't shout it out to the world quite yet (and please don't mention it on facebook either). After seeing the website I had posted in a previous post about gender, I am a skeptic, even though, what I see looks like a penis. We have another repeat in two weeks and I am sure we will get a confirmation then! I have to admit, I am a little disappointed. I really wanted another girl, but like I have said before, all I care about is a healthy baby, and if that baby boy is healthy, then I am psyched and couldn't ask for anything more. 

Could that growth be anything other than a penis? I'm not so sure...

So, about the title, Downward Spiral...it seems as though my cervical length has started to shorten quite a bit - almost a full centimeter in two weeks. Not good. I am not quite worried yet because I have a history of my cervical length shortening between the 18-20 week mark right on down to 1.8-2cm and staying there for the remainder of the pregnancy. So, my cervical length measured about 2.2cm down from 3cm two weeks ago. The next few weeks will definitely tell the story about things, and I just hope things stop progressing in the wrong direction! I surely cannot afford to spend any time on the couch! I guess I need to start being better about spending time there while the girls are resting... 

The things I LOVE about my 1 year old

1. I love the fact that she has figured out how to climb up on chairs.

2. I love that she figured out that once she can climb on chairs, she can easily climb on tables.

3. I love that the toilet brush is her favorite toy.

4. I love when the above mentioned item is brought around the house splashing toilet water around my house. 

5. I love the fact that she knows how to throw food.

6. I love the fact that she can also throw her body down to the ground and throw a mean temper tantrum.

7. I love the fact that she can now climb onto the computer desk and play with the computer.

8. I love the fact that she can take any toy and turn it into something she can swish around in the toilet. 

9. I love the fact that she thinks the dogs bowl is a swimming pool. She can fit her whole body into it and take a bath - dressed.

10. I love the fact that she thinks the dogs trout & potato dog food (and yes, it smells as bad as it sounds) is fine cuisine and shoves as much dog food into her mouth before me or Kevin realize she is stealing from her puppies dinner. 

11. I love the fact that she is obsessed with the home phone, can make the phone go off the hook, and hide it in the most inconspicuous place, so when we try to find it, it is nearly impossible - because it is off the hook and the other phone says "In Use". 

12. I love the fact that she has figured out how to climb up on our shelving unit in the playroom and tear every single book down off the shelf, then scream because she can't get down. 

.........and after all of that, she still loves to hug, love and cuddle with her mommy and daddy. She may be a crazy lady, but she sure is a love!!! 

Prematurity Awareness

I know I really don't have a "leg" to stand on when it comes to prematurity compared to most who have had "real" preemies, but,  I've had to deal with the fear of having a baby far too early or premature.

This morning on the news, I saw the United States as a whole has received a "D" in the grade of prematurity and that over 12% of babies born in this country are born before 37 weeks. Isn't this number crazy for an advanced, industrialized country like the United States? 

I feel I am very lucky to have the education and experience I do. I can't imagine what it is like to be "in the dark" when it comes to pregnancy. I've been lucky enough to take care of a wide variety of low and high risk pregnant woman in my time as a nurse. I think back to my pregnancy with Lilah and think how lucky we were - what if I didn't know to ask the ultrasound tech to check my cervical length? Would Lilah be here with us? Would she have been born very early or not? It's so sad that so many woman have to experience a loss before they know they have an incompetent cervix - why? I don't understand why cervical length checks are not a normal part of obstetrical checks - especially during that very important 20 week ultrasound. You bet I make sure I tell all my friends and anyone who is pregnant to make sure they ask to get their cervical length checked - it could save your baby's life. Take control of your healthcare. If you feel something is not right - don't ignore it. Say something. 

Not only have I had personal experience with an incompetent cervix and cerclage, I've also had bouts with preterm labor and oligohydramnios or low fluid - all of which require close screening to make sure baby stays inside and stays healthy. I think about all the woman who don't know what is normal and what is not, and end up having a baby that is born too early. 

Even though, two out of my three daughters were technically born "premature" - I have been lucky enough to have brought them all home within 24-48 hours after their birth. Mairead, our oldest, was probably the most "difficult" baby to manage. She was not interested in nursing, very sleepy and jaundice. It was stressful as a first time mom, but thankfully my experience helped keep things under control. With Lilah and Clara, they were born loving the boobies, had no jaundice issues and acted like full term babies for the most part. We are so very lucky. 

I think about the baby growing inside of me. I have entered the "danger" period for those with an incompetent cervix. Tomorrow, I will have an ultrasound and I pray everything is normal and I can continue caring for our girls. With each ultrasound I have from tomorrow until I am about 26 weeks, I will be nervous. I know I have been so very lucky with our three girls, and I hope it only continues for this little bean growing inside of me. 

I do not care if this baby is a boy. I do not care if this baby is a girl. All I care about is having a healthy, term baby. There will be no disappointment if it isn't a boy - and this is where some people are surprised. They think - you have three girls - how could you not want a boy? You see, having a high risk pregnancy puts life into perspective. Sex does not matter. It shouldn't matter with anyone really. While finding out the sex is exciting, finding out if this baby is healthy is even more exciting. 

I hope in time we as a country find out why our premature birth rate is so very high. Babies need to be born full term. They need to stay inside of their mommies. 

What's mine is mine...and the rest...well, it's all mine, too!

We believe in co-sleeping, especially in the first year. For us, having our babies sleep with us allows everyone to get more sleep and limits the amount of night time wakings. I never thought I'd be the "co-sleeping" type, and always said "I'd let my child cry it out" - well, that was B.C or before children.

When Mairead was an infant, she loved to sleep in our bed. She was usually pretty good about going to sleep in her own crib, but in the middle of the night, she almost always ended up in our bed. Once Lilah was due to arrive, we knew we had to do something because we had a queen size bed. I refused to kick Kevin out and it was unsafe to have all 4 of us in the same bed. We bought this cot from walmart and taught Mairead that when she came into our room, she had to go into the cot, not our bed. It took a little bit of time, and we started by putting the cot right up next to our bed. It worked like a charm! 

As she got older, we kept the cot set up in our room. There were some mornings that she'd be in the cot and we would never even know she was there! It was heaven! She was happy and we were getting sleep - a win-win situation all around! 

Fast forward 4.5 years later. We still have a cot - two to be exact. We keep one set up in our room for any of the kids or when we have guests. Well, since Mairead & Lilah have been sharing a room, Mairead has been coming into our room about 6am, which is fine, as she gets more sleep! Last night, Lilah asked if she could have a turn in the cot. How could we say no? Lilah has never ever ever ever asked to come into the cot, so into the cot she went. Well, Mairead woke up at 415am and saw Lilah was not in her bed. She knew exactly where Lilah was and she was NOT happy. Let's just say she had a fit for 1.5 hours, woke up every living being and I was not a happy camper. To Mairead, the cot is hers, always has been her territory, and always will be...well at least that is what she thinks. 

Aghhhh.....the joys of having a moody 4.5 year old who thinks the world revolves around her! Her behavior has been tough lately. It's good to know that she isn't the only one who is going through such growing pains. She throws fits when she doesn't get her way, no matter what time of the night it is. It's been a struggle and not giving in is the toughest. We try to explain to her that we all care and share in this house, and since we are a "large" family, sharing is very, very important. To be 4 again and think that her sister sleeping in the cot is the worst thing that anything could ever happen! 

What IS my due date....? No, really, what is it???

I am a bit perturbed. I have been given THREE.....count em' THREE different due dates. I know I had two, but I went to my regular OB appointment today and they gave me yet another. The girl tells me I am 13w6d pregnant - huh? If anything, I should be 14w1d or 15w1d - I know, I Know, it's really not a huge deal, but, it's just annoying!

I also met with a new OB in the practice and I really didn't click with her like I have with the other three docs in the practice (whom I have fallen in love with). She walked in and just wasn't as personal as the others. Mairead was with me and she barely said two words to her, unlike the other doctors who let my children participate in my pre-natal care (help listen to the heart beat, measure my belly, etc). I hope this was a one time thing because I was really disappointed. 

I brought up the three due date issue with her and she was like "well, we're going by the 1st ultrasound you had at 5 weeks" and I said yeah, but why won't MFM (maternal fetal medicine) change my due date from my period date if you're not? I just wish everyone would get on the same page and stop giving me a crap load of dates! 

Anyways....heard the baby today thumpin' away, blood pressure good, and that's about it. I talked to her about exercising with the cerclage and she said anything that is low impact (yeah! duh!), so I am thinking Yoga. and more Yoga. Sometimes I feel as though these general OB appointments are a waste of time! Especially with a new doc who doesn't know my history - very frustrating! 

Daylight Savings what???

I want to know who the hell thought of this concept. Okay, Okay....I know the reasons why, and yeah, maybe they were valid a hundred years ago when the farmers had to get outside and work, but hello.....times have changed!

Can you tell I am so not a fan of this? We live in Maine and it gets dark EARLY. Today it was pitch black here in Maine at 4:45pm....HELLOOOOOOOOOO. What the heck am I supposed to do with my three kids at 430pm in the dark? Thankfully, the big girls have dance class on Mondays and Mairead has swim on Thursday afternoons, but......come on! 

My kids usually rest and/or nap from 130ish-330ish (sometimes earlier, sometimes later), so when they wake up from rest, the sun is setting and it is dusk. Oh my, I am so not ready for this. I want it to be light until 8pm so we can eat ice cream and go for a walk around the block after dinner, or play in the backyard, hell, I'll take an hour or two of sunshine after rest so we can get outside and let out some energy before dinner. 

Today also felt like the day just dragged on and on and on....and well, you get the drift. And boy! am I tired. We have been putting the girls to bed later and later for the last few days to keep them from getting up super early, so I am praying tomorrow morning, they are not up too early. I am not a lover of mornings, I guess why I am more of a fan of it being dark until 8am rather than at 4pm. 

Anyways....that is my rant for the day. I'm not a complainer, but I am being one today. Anyone else feel tortured by this time change? I say keep it in Daylight savings and let the kids play outside in the afternoons! It will do a body good! And it will keep us parents sane! 

Housekeeper or a Nanny?

If you could have either a housekeeper or a nanny which would you choose?

As I enjoy [and I use that word sarcastically] another rainy November day, I look around me and see floors that need to be washed, sheets that need to be changed, clothes in the dryer that need to be folded, clothes in the basket that need to be put into the washer, dishes in the sink from baking and toys all over the place - not to mention countless other things. 

You see, I'm one of those moms who can look past those things and continue playing with my girls. Believe me, it bothers me to see shit everywhere sometimes, but some days, I just have to let it go because there are other more important things than cleaning. I know some days Kevin comes home and sees dishes in the sink and probably thinks 'What the fuck?' - but honestly, I pick up from lunch and say, I'll clean up during rest/nap time....and sometimes, I get sidetracked with having my own lunch, or some other project that I just don't have time. I'm not being lazy.....well, usually :)

So, this strikes the question. If your husband came home and said you could have a housekeeper come once per week or you could have a nanny (not full time), which would you choose? 

I think for me, it is obvious. A housekeeper. Hands down. I am lucky enough to have someone come in about once per month to clean, but that just isn't enough. My house needs to be deep cleaned every week, and I just don't have the time or the ambition to tackle a 3-4 hour job. I would love to have my house kept clean (not tidy) every week so I could have time to tackle other little projects that need to get done. 

Some days, I think I would love a nanny. Like today. I'm tired, stressed and just don't have a lot of patience....though, I've done fairly well in the 'domestic' department - I've tackled a few loads of laundry, baked some cookies with the girls and cleaned up a little....even though you would never guess I had because I have three little rug rats who tow right behind me and start all over again. I enjoy having an occasional babysitter come over while I am home to clean or to tackle little projects, but lately, I haven't had that luxury. 

So, for now, I choose my kids over my house hands down. I love being home with my kids. I love playing with them. Watching a movie with them. Baking with them. Being silly with them. I don't want someone else doing that. I want a housekeeper so I can spend more time with my girls rather than saying "not now, mommy needs to.......right now"....I'll have to just live with a little bit of a mess and avoid breaking my neck by tripping on toys! 

14...No, 13?....14...No, 13? No, 14.

Yesterday we had an ultrasound at Maternal Fetal Medicine. From here on out, we will be having ultrasounds about every two weeks until about 28 or so weeks, then I will continue to have frequent ultrasounds to monitor my history of 3rd trimester oligohydramnios or low fluid. Yesterdays appointment was to take a peek at my cervix - once again, getting up close and personal with that, and to do the first part of the nuchal fold screening for genetic disorders.

Baby trying to suck fingers

The baby is looking great. He/She was waving its arms all over the place and was trying to get a finger into its mouth. I wonder if he/she will be like Lilah - she always had something in her mouth during ultrasounds - usually her feet! At one point the baby was not shy in showing us between its legs, but unfortunately it is way too early to even make a guess. I know some people say they found out the gender at 13-14-15 weeks, but the chances of it really being accurate are about 50%. I actually found this website that shows photos of a fetus at the same stage as our baby - both boys and girls look exactly alike, and really, the girls look more like a penis than the boys! Go figure! If you're interested, click here to take a peek. So, I'm thinking by the end of the month or very beginning of December we should know what this little booger is.

Going on the record and guessing "Girl" 

As far as measurements are concerned....the baby is still measuring one week behind. No one is concerned - this is how he/she has measured since my 6 week ultrasound and it correlates with when I think I got pregnant (2 days before Kevin left for Mobile). For now, they will not change my due date....though one doc has mentioned keeping the other date on the back burner, and the ultrasound tech yesterday thought we should with my issues, but the high risk docs said.....No. So, they are keeping me at 14w2d until further notice. If this kid keeps measuring a week behind, there is no way in hell I will let them take my cerclage out at 36 weeks with a baby measuring 35....that's a huge difference in the baby world. A 36 week baby is sooooo much different and more mature than a 35 week baby. No Thanks.

As far as my cervix is concerned it is stable at around 2.5-3cm which is normal for me. Everything was closed up tight and I pray it stays that way until it is time to have a baby. We haven't entered the "danger period" which is about 16-24 weeks in the incompetent cervix world. This is when the weight of the baby is entirely on the cervix, and a woman with a situation like mine, this is not a good thing and could pose serious dangers to the baby. After 24 weeks, the baby gets bigger and the weight of the baby tends to move forward, not sitting directly on the cervix, so the risks tend to drop tremendously and not to mention, the baby is considered "viable" or able to survive outside the mother...though, no one chooses to have a baby at 24 weeks. It's a scary time, I'll admit. I want to be able to run after my three girls, and I want to exercise, and I want to travel, and I want to do all sorts of things, but in the grand scheme of things, I have to be careful. I tend to have an irritable uterus, so having contractions on top of this issue is not the best. Thankfully, I have a good history of making it past the danger period, but I don't want to risk anything. I know at about 19 weeks, my cervical length will drop to about 1.8-2cm and will hopefully stay there, and I will remain off of bed rest, just like I did with Clara. Positive thoughts. I do want to talk to my OB on Tuesday and discuss any exercising I can do - I know long walks, running and probably lifting weights are out of the question...I am hoping I can do something. 

Is YOUR mother pregnant?

Mairead takes swim lessons every Tuesday. She is the only girl in her class. Today, I had an ultrasound and we brought all three girls with us. Mairead is really into pregnancy and childbirth so I really try to teach her everything she wants to know. She has already starting asking if she can watch this baby be born when it is time. I think she could really do it.

I don't know about you, but, I am pretty open about teaching our girls about our body. Maybe it's because I have worked as a maternal-child nurse in the past and I think it is important for our children to be comfortable with ourselves. I try to answer each question appropriately and not giving out too much information. While I was pregnant with Clara, she asked all sorts of questions (she was 3), and has seen her birth video many, many times. She loves to watch TLC's Baby Story, too! As of right now, she does not know how babies are made, but she knows where they come out of, and little things like that. 

Anyways, so back to swim school - today, she asked almost every boy (5 in total) if their mother was pregnant. After she got to the 4th boy, her swim instructor said "Ok, Mairead, we need to save this topic for another day and another time." To say he was blushing was an understatement. Mairead, of course, didn't see anything wrong with asking the boys this, for all she knew, every child knows where babies come from and exactly how they are born! 

At the end of class, her teacher says "Thanks for turning swim class into health class today, Mairead!" 

Leave it to one of our children to talk to other kids about pregnancy & childbirth!