Do you ever wake up before the kids and think "Wow. If I got up now, I could actually get some things done" but choose not to because you refuse to accept that a new day is beginning. I am not a morning person, so that doesn't help mornings like these.
Most days, I wake up and I am so excited to see my little cutie pies. I wake up next to a snuggly little prince, and sometimes a little princess, and then the others come running into our room, jump into bed and do a little snuggling. And I love it.
But today, wasn't one of those days. I was in one of those moods where I just wanted to stay in bed, and put off the inevitable of having to get up, take care of four children, teach two of them, get ready to pack for a long ass drive to New England either tomorrow or Friday among countless other duties that I have going on. And remind myself that we do not live in Maine anymore.
I hate to sound like debbie downer, but I just am not digging this Virginia living. I miss Maine terribly. I miss anything and everything that goes along with it. Our family. Our friends. Our house. Our yard. Just about everything. Don't get me wrong, the fact that we are together as a family is the most important, and that is why we are here in Virginia. I hate thinking about "what if's" and I try my hardest not to, honest, I do, but lately, all I can think about is "would we be happier if we stayed in Maine".
When we were deciding whether to move or stay, a huge positive of staying was that it didn't have to be permanent. We could have tried it, and if it didn't work out, we could have moved to Virginia. But once we moved to Virginia, that was it. No moving back until Kevin's time was done here. We knew what living here was like, but I just didn't realize how miserable I would be. I try to look on the bright side on a daily basis and try to make living here sound like lots of fun to the girls, we are meeting people, doing new things, and staying very busy....but...I feel as though it isn't good enough.
Every day Mairead and Lilah still say how much they miss Maine and ask how many days until we move back. While we lived in Maine I used to have to drag the kids inside. Here, I practically have to bribe them to go outside. I've almost resorted to locking them out of the house so they'll stay outside! I've asked the girls why they don't like playing outside here like they used to in Virginia, and their responses are so valid "Our backyard is too tiny here" or "Our backyard is boring" or "We have no swingset" or "We have no room to run, ride our escalade, etc etc" all so very true, and one reason I hated this house. Our house is great, and if we could move the house elsewhere, it would be so much better, but I would take our little 1800sq foot three bedroom house in Maine any day over this.
I have to admit I feel lonely on most days, and I've told my two girlfriends who live nearby (and another that doesn't live too close) that if it wasn't for them, I would cry everyday. Other than them, I don't have any other true friends and we don't see those friends too often because they're busy. I've met lots of moms, but no real friendships as of yet, and I hope some come along really soon, because I am a social person. We are a social family. We were so lucky to have such amazing friends in Maine. When we moved to Maine I remember feeling like we were on such an awesome adventure. We were so excited and loved it. Even when we were renovating our house and stressing, living there was still great. But here, I feel so different. I feel like every day I just have to get through it because that is one day closer to moving.
So for now, I will try to be positive and be thankful to be spending a week up north to visit with family and friends while getting some New England fresh air into our bodies to rejuvenate us all.
We will survive.
PS: I want to add that I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I am grateful. We are lucky to live in a house, a big house, and lucky that Kevin has a job that supports our family and allows me to stay home with our children, allows us to live a good life together, but I'm just in a funk...just didn't want to sound like I am ungrateful, because I am so very grateful for everything I have.