Sometimes being an adult isn't that much fun. And sometimes making adult decisions isn't any fun either. And sometimes no matter which decision you make it won't be the right one. And I hate having to choose between which crappy decision is best.
If you remember back to my posts last spring and summer, Kevin and I went through a period where we considered staying in Maine while Kevin worked in DC. But after everything we went through with Callum and then the ease of renting out our home, we thought we should be together and move. And so we did.
We've been here in Virginia for six months and I have to say we regret our decision to move to Virginia. Kevin and I are both unhappy. We miss our home. We miss our life there. It's just not the same. We feel as though we are not truly enjoying life here in Virginia, and no matter how busy we are, no matter what we are doing, it just isn't good enough. And to all my Virginia friends who may read this, we love you, and appreciate all that you have and continue to do for us. We love spending time with you, but we miss our home.
When we moved to Maine in 2008 we didn't realize what living there would do for us. Kevin and I found ourselves there. We found a place we believed in for our family - it defined us. We were incredibly happy there in all aspects of our life and our children thrived happily there and so did we. We were welcomed by the community with open arms and we felt so lucky to have stumbled upon such amazing people.
Waking up to the smell of the ocean or hearing seagulls in our very own backyard reminded us frequently that we lived in vacationland. In the final six months that we lived in Maine, we could rarely go anywhere without running into someone we knew - a friend, a co-worker, a teacher, the doctor who help save Callum, the respiratory therapist who worked on Callum. I miss going to the store and running into a friend, or chatting with the grocery cashier who remembers my kids names (and she actually cared to know our children). I miss having to drag my kids inside because they have to eat, instead, I am dragging them outside because the "backyard is boring" and they don't like to be outside anymore. They want to ride their bikes outside, but are afraid of the hills, or I am afraid of the cars that fly around the corner, and suddenly helping my kids learn to ride their bikes isn't fun anymore because I am worried about one of our children or dogs being hit by a car.
So, where do we go from here? We've made the decision to be together, but we are both unhappy. Do we continue living an unhappy lifestyle or do we move back home hoping living in a place that has made us all so incredibly happy and fulfilled the better of the two crappy choices? We made the right decision and came together, we know that. We've tried to put our life together here, but it continues to leave us wanting more. Our schedules are filled with fun things and play dates and get togethers...but for some reason it just isn't good enough. I've thoroughly enjoyed homeschooling the big girls and we've met many amazing people!
On a larger, more important scale, The icing on the cake came around Christmas when Kevin received a phone call saying he'd be going (no choice in the matter, but a great opportunity career wise) into a Commander position (still in DC) and would be working/traveling a ton more than he is now. Another huge reason to move home. The thought of us being here without family is daunting, I'd much rather Kevin be traveling while I have to support of family close by and friends. This was the moment when we looked at each other and said something has to change...all the other reasons were dreams of a life we had, but when this additional life change came to be, we put the entire picture together and made a very difficult decision for us. To move home.
The thought of living in Maine while Kevin works here in DC makes me incredibly sad. But the thought of us all being happy in a place we love speaks loudly, too. The times we would be together on the weekends could be spent feeling happy - quality over quantity as Kevin puts it. Kevin can focus on his job more and focus on family when he is home.
There have been events leading up to these thoughts that make Kevin and I think this decision is the best one we could make for our family. Sacrificing a little to be in a happier place. We'd have our home back. The girls would have their friends back. The girls would attend school. We know the grass is greener on the other side because we have been living that life for the last three years. Although the new Maine life would be a little different, we feel that all the positives outweigh living here in Virginia.
It's times like these I could use a little crystal ball to look at our life a year from now to see if we were happier or sad.
And what's the worst that will happen? We move back to Virginia.