Saturday, August 14, 2010

Just come already.

As much as I am dreading Tuesday when Kevin leaves. I am almost wishing it would just come. Every time I think of having to hug and kiss him good-bye my eyes just tear up. It is just going to be so hard. I don't want to let him go. I can't help it. I just can't get myself to get over it, though, I am doing better than yesterday, it is still so difficult.

It kills me to see Kevin cry, too. This is probably THE hardest thing we have ever, ever, ever have had to go through together. I don't want Tuesday to come, but, I want it to just be over with. I know he has to go. So, go and come back sooner. Waiting is like dragging this whole ordeal on....and on.....and on. The girls know daddy is leaving, but when? We keep talking about it. They know something is going on. Their concept of time is so skewed. They see our tears. They know. They just don't really get it. I surely don't expect them to. I am kind of glad they don't get it.

I know the girls probably won't ever remember their daddy being gone. Mairead may have distant memories, but I know Lilah and Clara will not. Which is good. But, I surely will. I know people deal with these sorts of issues all of the time. But honestly, it doesn't make it any easier. Some people, like one of my great friends, can see the good in situations like these. Her husband wanted to go. I just can't do that. Maybe if I knew Kevin would be making an impact on lives it could be different (and maybe he will), but right now, I just can't see the positives in this. He was so wronged and that bothers me so much. He does so much for those he works with, and they didn't even give him a chance. I just don't understand...

I try to follow the 'everything happens for a reason' motto....and hopefully I will be able to understand why they needed our Kevin. Our girls daddy. 

So, as much as I want to relish in the time left we have with Kevin before he leaves for longer than I could ever imagine, it will Just me, him and our sweet little girls, I want the time to just be over with so I can stop dreading it. We should be enjoying the last few days of our family vacation, but instead, we are wrapped up in sadness unable to see the good in all of this.

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