A bad dream...

As I sit here on the couch laying skin to skin with our sweet Callum, I found myself reading about what we have gone through since Callums birth. It still seems surreal to me, finding it hard to believe our little boy was that child laying there critically ill, with all of those tubes, wires and machines - it feels like it was just a bad dream. What an emotional roller coaster we were on and at the time, it felt like it was never going to end. Since he's been home, I find myself not wanting to put him down, just wanting to hold him close to me - all the time. The feeling of his warm body against mine is unexplainable. I feel like I owe him as much time as he wants to be loved and cuddled.

Today as I was out with Callum and Mairead some people asked how old Callum was and honestly, I had to stop and think - 12 days? Whoa....how did that happen? For me, it seems like he is only a few days old, like his true "birth" day was last Thursday night when he was extubated and we were able to hold, love, kiss and nurse our sweet baby boy. Since then, we've been together - he's nursed, cuddled and taken care of by his mommy and daddy.

Now that Callum has been home for a few days now, I try not to think about last week, but it is hard. Kevin and I have been trying to "unwind" from everything we went through last week. It has been full of ups and downs - we are tired and it has nothing to do with having a newborn. I was like a machine last week and now everything is hitting me. I never had time to recover from giving birth, it was never about me, it was all about Callum and making sure our sweet girls had someone with them at all times. Now, we are all home as a family together, and it has been an adjustment. Not only are the girls beside themselves about having their baby brother home with them, but I am home, too. I can only imagine how confused they were about mommy and daddy not being home so much, or having daddy caring for them while mommy was gone. It was tough on them, but I am so proud of how well they handled all the changes that occurred in the last 12 days. Today was better than yesterday, and I hope tomorrow is better than today.

Callum is doing absolutely great. My milk supply has finally evened out and he hasn't puked at all since he got home! He is nursing like a champ, peeing and pooping perfectly. He had a check up with the pediatrician today and she was shocked at how great he has been doing at home. He is starting to eat more and more, and I hope his "calm demeanor" continues! He slept two four hour stretches last night, and I can only pray that continues! The girls are in absolute love with their little brother and are always concerned when he cries - he is going to be one lucky boy with four mammas looking after him!

I can't explain how lucky I feel to have Callum home with us and doing so well. He is an amazingly strong little boy and we are so lucky to have him with us.