Sunday, April 17, 2011

Is it today, Mamma?

I just got off the phone with Mairead. What a love that girl has for her baby brother. She is so concerned about him and wants to know how he is doing and if he is nursing well. It breaks my heart when she asks about him coming home. I wish I could say ******* and have it happen, but I can't. She wants to be with him just as much as I want to be home with the girls.

Last night I spent the night with the intention of bringing Callum home today. I tried not to get my hopes up because I knew it may not happen, but it's hard not to be excited. When the nurse weighed him after midnight and she said he had lost weight, I knew Callum would not be going home with us. I was disappointed, but I knew it was for the best. I don't want to have to bring Callum back to the hospital. I want to make sure when we bring him home, that he stays home. Not to mention, Mairead and Clara have a little runny nose and a dry cough, definitely something Callum can't catch. I know what a germophobe I am going to be after, don't look at me crazy if I seem that way - this whole experience will definitely leave me a bit scarred!

Lucky for me and not-so-lucky for Callum, my milk supply is insanely ginormous. The "girls" just scream "I'm loaded with milk" - seriously, I have achieved "porn star status" and poor Callum is getting flooded. Since I've had three near-term babies I've learned how to deal with my oversupply, overactive letdown and babies who do not like it. Each one of our girls has been different with the way I have managed it, and today, I am learning how to manage Callums needs and since he is behind the 8-ball, it's a bit more tricky. We believe his weight loss is due to two things: his body is trying to stabilize from everything he has gone through, meaning, his body is getting rid of all the extra fluids he held onto during his sickness (today is the first day he can open his eyes fully) and that he tends to puke of almost his entire feeding when he gets flooded or nurses too fast. He has done a lot better today with his feedings, has increased his pee and has normal breastfeeding poops now. I've been nursing him while laying down and this has been helping a lot. The doctor says unless he has a major weight loss he will be able to go home and be managed there with maybe a visiting nurse for weight checks. I pray that tomorrow will indeed be the day. I am glad they are being cautious with him.

I know our girls have been struggling and so have I. Since Callum has needed me to eat every 2-3 hours, I've had to stay at the hospital more in the last few days than I have all week. The girls miss me and I miss them so very much. When I talked with Mairead on the phone earlier she couldn't stop asking when Callum was coming home. Not only has this week been hard on me and Kevin, it has been extremely hard on the girls. I can't wait to get home and be with our girls. Be a family again. I hate rushing home and rushing back. I just want to be with them. And Callum. All together. One big crazy family.

Callum's homecoming is so close I can taste it, which makes it all the more difficult. I know it was for the best for Callum to stay another night, but it still sucks!

1 comment:

  1. You are balancing it the way any of us are doing great! This season will pass. Thinking of you often...Chiara asks about Callum all the time!


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